sleepy jack

Cliche, and trite, basically like everything you've posted.

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xemoxyox623

thanks for the opinion
;]

Ace

Ouch. That's a bit harsh, Ethan.
Unfortunately, I'll have to agree with em' on this one.
Perhaps if you chose a different subject, and made sure not to end every line with words that rhyme. Example:

heart, apart, pain, gain, down, around, sound, turn, burn....

I could keep going.
Try to rewrite it using a different style.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by RezZ I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.

xemoxyox623

i generally do write with a rhyme, sometimes good, sometimes bad. i guess i can take it from a different perspective. thanks. ;]
(and yes construction criticism is more appreciated than outright insult)