TheUsedToolguy

Are you seeing what I see you're thinking,
or what I think I'm seeing,
there's no sense in fleeing,
we're all human beings,

That momentary trickle of doubt,
in trying to read me out,
while I'm seeing what you're about,
it's almost a cause for clout,

are you seeing what I see you're thinking,
or what I think I'm seeing,
there's no sense in fleeing,
we're all human beings,

I'm sure we both mean well,
it's just that in our attempt to sell,
we never learned to quell,
when you ring my suspicious bell,

Are you seeing what I see you're thinking,
or what I think I'm seeing,
there's no sense in fleeing,
we're all human beings,

it's no wonder, all the years through,
all of our thoughts to construe,
the pressure to read and conclude,
that we would both walk away confused,

Are you seeing what I see you're thinking,
or what I think I'm seeing,
there's no sense in fleeing,
we're all human beings,

Somehow, we seemed to have lost the touch,
You can say I don't know much,
but we all need an ounce of love to clutch,
the need to feel loved and such and such,

Are you seeing what I see you're thinking,
or what I think I'm seeing,
there's no sense in fleeing,
we're all human beings,

the problem lies in the beginning,
you think as long as you're grinning,
then you'll be winning,
but what are you representing?,

Are you seeing what I see you're thinking,
or what I think I'm seeing,
there's no sense in fleeing,
we're all human beings,

we are practical beings of thought,
we practice what we are taught,
cherish with that, the time you've bought,
before we're all in a very rough spot,

Are you seeing what I see you're thinking,
or what I think I'm seeing,
there's no sense in fleeing,
we're all human beings,

as long as we rise to see another day,
we give little attention to the price we pay,
let me summarize what I'm trying to say,
tell the truth, it's the only way

Peace!!

right-track

It's not that I think it's bad
It's just that repeated rhyming is... just sad.
Try and mix it up a tad,
Then your lyrics wouldn't drive me mad.

Peace.

sleepy jack

Yeah, I gotta agree the rhyming is awful and it sounds like something constructed sheerly to rhyme, plus it reads like you don't understand alot of the words you use you just put them into rhyme.

Rhymes are overrated.

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TheUsedToolguy

Yeah, of course I tried to make it rhyme
The only example of using a word in a context that seemed like I don't know what it meant was when I said, 'it's just we never learned to quell, which I meant, learned to quell our emotions.
Basically, the whole poem was about people's interactions, and how sometimes big problems can arise out of miniscule misunderstandings, because people's egos are too big.
Also, in parts I talk about how people are trying to 'sell their game' so to speak, and if people came more from their heart than from egos, there would be much fewer disputes, and when I say, 'we seem to have lost the touch,' what I meant was that, people in an attempt to avoid these silly situations, can become very withdrawn from the world altogether.
Also, I like writing about problems, and then offering some potential solutions.

sleepy jack

The meaning wasn't that hard to figure out, this wasn't ambiguous or clandestine and maybe you should try coming up with a different rhyming scheme? Instead of AAAABBBBCCCCDDDD, you could try ABABCC thats a popular one but easier to read or experiment with it and do like ABCABCDDD, I have no idea how that will sound but you get the idea.

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