Le jugement tombe sur chaque couronne (single, French, bling, title)

enemyat_thesix · 03-22-2007, 08:07 PM

What I once held as celebrated truth
I now recognize as the vice of youth.
In an infinite moment separated by synapse
I choke on the answer to a question I never asked.
These circuits were never meant to carry such a current,
And when the breakers blow I am left with a single image:
A collapsing smile in the absence of light.

Where were you when Jericho fell,
When Sodom burned and Egypt wept?
I was here all along,
A whisper crushed between folded hands.

Behold, mighty king,
Your alabaster pillars crumbling.
Harken, O lord,
To the thunder of the dead.
Despair, your majesty,
As the black ocean swells,
Swallowing your palace and your heaven and your hell.

sleepy jack · 03-23-2007, 04:22 PM

It would sound better if it was just your heaven, your hell.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 03-23-2007, 10:28 PM

But it is way more cliche that way.

enemyat_thesix · 03-23-2007, 11:13 PM

the extra 'and' is necessary for the meter.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 01-13-2008, 01:05 AM

I hate bringing up old pieces, but this is the bomb. I love this piece. Props EATS.

Lizzie · 01-13-2008, 07:48 PM

the first poem ive read on here that ive actually enjoyed

it was great

lucylamppost · 01-13-2008, 08:16 PM

I think it's good but I think it could flow better

sleepy jack · 01-13-2008, 08:22 PM

Giving a piece written in English a French title is pretty pretentious, it's also starting to become cliche. I've seen it done several times before.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 01-13-2008, 09:59 PM

Ah, yeah. I used to do them in Latin.

01-13-2008, 08:16 PM	#7 (permalink)
lucylamppost I'm a figure of forgotten Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: canada Posts: 349	I think it's good but I think it could flow better __________________

01-13-2008, 07:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
Lizzie Diskobox Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: vancouver Posts: 660	the first poem ive read on here that ive actually enjoyed it was great