The Serpent (effects, quote, Erhu, Ching, hands)

enemyat_thesix · 03-12-2007, 01:45 AM

The serpent sleeps in your stomach,

coiling, uncoiling

with every breath.

He slithers in circles, snaking

round and round,

up and down,

through and through.

You cannot sleep; you lay awake;

you feel him within

yourself, winding.

Tightly clutching your stomach

you reach into your throat

and gag; vomit.

Out the serpent slides, down the drain;

at last he’s gone,

but you still feel sick.

(I apologize for the line breaks: they are automatically inserted with an indent; and I feel the formatting is an important part of this poem.)

enemyat_thesix · 03-13-2007, 12:34 AM

/bump

Call it pedantic and shallow for I care; say something.

~~TheUsedToolguy~~ · 03-13-2007, 05:07 PM

It wasn't too bad. It seemed like it was either about being stressed out or the effects of a meth binge, which I've heard can be rough.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes · 03-13-2007, 06:10 PM

As a matter of fact, I find this meatloaf rather shallow and pedantic *leans back in chair, hands folded.* I'll crit this later, homez.

enemyat_thesix · 03-13-2007, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

As a matter of fact, I find this meatloaf rather shallow and pedantic *leans back in chair, hands folded.* I'll crit this later, homez.

Family Guy ftw;
and you do that. ;D

03-13-2007, 05:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
~~TheUsedToolguy~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Joplin, MO Posts: 468	It wasn't too bad. It seemed like it was either about being stressed out or the effects of a meth binge, which I've heard can be rough.