Love poem written by yours truly~comments plz~

~~under~~ · 03-10-2007, 03:12 PM

Love Brings us Closer

Through the Living of Injusticeness,
we see through the eyes of our Non-Lovers.
We learn more than what we ever knew,
as it brings us close to our goals.

Through the Love and Sacrifice of one another,
we find who we truly are inside.
The Warmth of Love brings us closer,
as the Pain of Sacrifice slowly drifts us apart.

The Passion for one,
can affect the peers around us.
We see the Scenery in your eyes,
full of Dusk and Eternal Wonders of Tranquility.

The Love for one can affect us,
in ways that nobody could ever imagine.
All you have to do is believe,
the Love will bring you closer to more than you ever knew before.

ZeppelinAir · 03-10-2007, 09:16 PM

it was alright, the last sentence in the second part didnt seem to flow with the rest as well

~~under~~ · 03-10-2007, 09:19 PM

thanks...hmm, any suggestions on what the last sentence on the second part should be?, I was having writers block when writing it so I couldn't use my brain at the time. =)

ZeppelinAir · 03-10-2007, 09:28 PM

oh hell i got a little bit myself, umm.....
how about "as the bitter cold puts a crack between us"

im not sure, as i said i got bit of writers block as well

03-10-2007, 03:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
~~under~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,056	Love poem written by yours truly~comments plz~ Love Brings us Closer Through the Living of Injusticeness, we see through the eyes of our Non-Lovers. We learn more than what we ever knew, as it brings us close to our goals. Through the Love and Sacrifice of one another, we find who we truly are inside. The Warmth of Love brings us closer, as the Pain of Sacrifice slowly drifts us apart. The Passion for one, can affect the peers around us. We see the Scenery in your eyes, full of Dusk and Eternal Wonders of Tranquility. The Love for one can affect us, in ways that nobody could ever imagine. All you have to do is believe, the Love will bring you closer to more than you ever knew before.

03-10-2007, 09:16 PM	#2 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	it was alright, the last sentence in the second part didnt seem to flow with the rest as well __________________ not that old signature

03-10-2007, 09:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	oh hell i got a little bit myself, umm..... how about "as the bitter cold puts a crack between us" im not sure, as i said i got bit of writers block as well __________________ not that old signature

03-10-2007, 09:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
~~under~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,056	thanks...hmm, any suggestions on what the last sentence on the second part should be?, I was having writers block when writing it so I couldn't use my brain at the time. =)