Shaking (quote, Hang) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Today's Posts
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-09-2007, 09:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
Don't think twice
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: A basement on the hill
Posts: 352
Default Shaking

you went out like an explosion
ripping up all the walls
spitting up timber and dust
until nobody could see at all
and we all lay about confused
picking ourselves up and shaking off the morning
with a quickly swallowed month
and some words or two
we were relatively sane again
but it will be the dark nights that get you
waking in the dim light of a tv set
the rattled colouring of the third reich
drowning out the ringing and the flashing
of the clock telling you that you messed up again

or a brief glimpse in a mirror
nestled amongst the grey plaster and unsettling neons
telling you that you always came from there
and you will always remain that way
no matter how many times you double back
and shake it off as something else
because no one can survive that kind of force
those kinds of endings you only ever see in movies
they will be the ones that get you the most
__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation

Last edited by either/or; 03-12-2007 at 09:03 AM.
either/or is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2007, 12:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
isfckingdead
 
sleepy jack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,967
Default

Quote:
ripping up all the walls
spitting up timber and dust
until nobody could see anymore
If you changed anymore to at all, it would say the same thing but rhyme.

Its good, i like it.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
sleepy jack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2007, 02:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
Ban Captain Caveman
 
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 560
Default

Or if he put "at all" after "anymore" That could work. I'll give this a more full crit later, homez.
__________________
Quote:
Wolverinewolfweiselpigeon said:

What's with people dying? Shit.
PaperHurricanesAndPlanes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2007, 02:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
isfckingdead
 
sleepy jack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,967
Default

That would be way too long and disrupt the flow.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
sleepy jack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2007, 09:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
Don't think twice
 
either/or's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: A basement on the hill
Posts: 352
Default

changed, tnaks guys
__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
either/or is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply




© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.