TrampInaTux

"I'm turning my back now. Look, I am turning"
Says he, but he knows she does not care
he returns, alerting her once more
of his departure to nowhere
"Goodbye" she says, "that callous shrew" thinks he,
so why did he return again? Well that's the womans mystery
He arrives at his destination, that he followed through,
but he finds a payphone and calls who? Why, that callous shrew
"I'm sorry!" Three times he says it, she listened to none
"Have me back, won't you have me back?"

The reply is yes.
The reply is always yes.
The conclusions are routine
and the chapters are a mess.

They have three children, two girls and one boy
he takes them to school and he buys them their toys
The wedding is indecisive, the engagement rings are loose
romantic holidays to Brighton only serve to show the truth
She says she can no longer be the victim of his fury
Tomatoes are thrown over his tatty suit by the feminist jury
the children go to Mom, and Dad sits in his flat
Uncle dies, Dad inherits money and he wants Mom back.

The reply is yes.
The reply is yes.
The conclusions are routine
and the chapters are a mess




Oh and as for the title? Just cos I've been watching it.

sleepy jack

"but he finds a payphone and guess what? He calls that callous shrew!"

maybe change it to

"but he finds a payphone and calls who? the callous shrew" to make it shorter so it doesn't stick out as much. Or something like that because it sticks out too much, or lengthen it and make it two separate lines.

Other then that I really like it.

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