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i expect criticism for this, its not my natural style but i want to broaden my approach.

You sat, stark, no remorse
And I felt a tinge of panic scatter
Through this weathered frame
This mangled brain
And still you sat, nothing, stark.

A flurry of tears, dimming lights
A cacophony of silence
Baited breaths, snatched from the
Shores of a rapid flow
And still you sat, stark

Numbing hate, ice cold
Brazen fear, eclipsed by the
Tenures of scornful eye
In murky air
You sit, stark, reviled.

Its pretty, but kind of trite, it doesn't have much substance.

as in what? it lacks description, metaphor? meaning?

Meaning, I think you need to add another verse or something that gets more indepth on it.

lol, that post probably sounded really arseish, i meant 'meaning?' as in does it lack meaning? i'll work on another verse or two.

A flurry of tears, dimming lights
A cacophony of silence
Baited breaths, snatched from the
Shores of a rapid flow
^ The only part I can truly say I enjoyed reading. The rest was boring, trite, and needs more meaning, as Ethan said. Your word choice, aside from the part I pasted, wasn't that great either, particularly verse one. Less commas.

Only Wilde can pull off a blatant paradox. It stands out, and my mind goes "that can't happen" then realizes it's intentional, but is still annoyed.

^ how can you say 'only wilde can pull off a blatant paradox'? many poets have utilised it to great effect, im thinking gray, tennyson, healy and ****inson in particular. in fact, its a pretty common feature in poetry i say. i just obviously, in your opinion, didnt use it very well in this instance.

I thought the cacophony of silence line was the best here.

Strummer actually said something similarly generalizing in my song thread. ("If you don't want to be a bit subtle, it might make sense to write prose").

What's the deal Strumstrum? You seem to think only in blacks and whites.