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#1 (permalink) | |
Ban Captain Caveman
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 560
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A flurry of tears, dimming lights
A cacophony of silence Baited breaths, snatched from the Shores of a rapid flow ^ The only part I can truly say I enjoyed reading. The rest was boring, trite, and needs more meaning, as Ethan said. Your word choice, aside from the part I pasted, wasn't that great either, particularly verse one. Less commas.
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