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Old 02-10-2007, 08:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
Ban Captain Caveman
 
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It seemed to be written the way a prose would, you just used line breaks. The description was pretty hackneyed, particularly sheep. The independence/necklace rhyme was the only one worth keeping. The last line was absolutely terrible.

Sorry, but, this needs a lot of work.
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Old 02-11-2007, 05:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Yeah, realised it wasn't that good.

I just felt like writing something, but didn't really have anything to draw inspiration from at the time...

ah well, always next time.
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