My Body Is An Apparition
 

Ben Stivers
2/9/07

My Body Is An Apparition

What have I been, the revision of objects in the air?
My body wreathing upward like a ring in the night sky.
I was dropped apon canvas, setting fire to my oils,
Burning like a lantern yet never taking ash.

And a perception such as mine spills from my weak and weary eyes,
But I am only scanning a sparse landscape for the sun I once knew.
And as jagged peaks made way for the soft light of the day,
I pictured a city block, not the unveiled sky.

For within my lust to become that which is undone,
I left my own hand to wander this board, and what it traced
Was the picture of a solitary face, an apartment,
And a sillouhette in the rain... I have chosen to forget.

very nice, you put words together nicely and it doesnt look forced.

=OBen writing again!?

Black dot tw@t.

Excellent imagery - every line overflows with motivation, with meaning - an individual drive while all the time remaining the part of a better, seemingly simple (yet complex) whole. Thank you for coming back.

very nice, very well writen, and great imagery

Psh. Your mom is an apparition. But seriously, here we go.

What have I been, the revision of objects in the air?
My body wreathing upward like a ring in the night sky.
I was dropped apon canvas, setting fire to my oils,
Burning like a lantern yet never taking ash.
^ Pretty sure it's "upon." This is great imagery, but, what the hell are you talking about?

And a perception such as mine spills from my weak and weary eyes,
But I am only scanning a sparse landscape for the sun I once knew.
And as jagged peaks made way for the soft light of the day,
I pictured a city block, not the unveiled sky.
^ Again, wtf are you talking about? I guess you're moving around, observing things, but...it just doesn't seem connected, and I have yet to figure out why I am supposed to give a sh!t.

For within my lust to become that which is undone,
I left my own hand to wander this board, and what it traced
Was the picture of a solitary face, an apartment,
And a sillouhette in the rain... I have chosen to forget.
^ The first line seems quite irrelevant, unless you meant "wanderlust," in which case, just say wanderlust. The only part of this verse I liked was the second line, before the comma. The rest is pretty hackneyed.

You didn't tell me why I should care, it just seemed to be a jumble of images, good ones, but, they were without much of a point. 5/10.

You come off like a huge ******* here, PHAP. I know you aren't an ******* - So I'm thinking that you wrote this in a bad mood. Plus, songs aren't necessarily supposed to TELL you everything, sometimes it's up for you to find your own meaning.

I wasn't in a bad mood. I wasn't being an ahole. I just didn't think the poem was telling my anything.

Anyway, APS knows me from MusicianForums/AIM (I'm DeadReligion/Malcolm), he knows I'm not an ahole. Unless you're poem is so excessively crappy as to resemble the kind of shtty emoetry found in AIM profiles. His is not.

Okie doke =P