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#1 (permalink) |
Let it drip
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 5,397
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Its very much a work in progress, i like one half a lot more than the other but i want criticism, so fire away. I know i somehow have to address the narrative structure but ignore that.
In air, She sits, Smothered in cloud Yet her beauty shines bright Unveiling the shroud Remitted in dusk I solemnly stare As she ebbs away Evading my glare Immersed in the irony Of a tranquil night I dream of this beacon This blissful light And the wistful breeze That soothes the core Of a savage deity Upon the shore So now you must see In perennial mist I sit here alone Entrenched in the piste Of a million stars Too far away A million beacons Shine in a day Yet yours is my beam And sodden with grief To which I am shackled As the single dead leaf Crumbles upon The dry scorched earth You maim for its sin The sin of rebirth See you are divine The bearer of fruits Laced with a venom Your envy recruits And though you are tinged With a myriad of flaws I solemnly stare Its you I adore. |
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