Mystic Grey-Black Sky

ZeppelinAir · 02-04-2007, 03:50 AM

i would really if a few of you could tell me what i did right and did wrong on this poem

Mystic Grey-Black Sky

A funnel of chaos falls from the sky
In the midst of the mothers howl,
Hounds in the hell passes and the mother will sigh,
Leaving the symbol through the fields and cities,
Splinters of our shattered lives,
Fly and pierce into our eyes,
Bleeding and broken we continue on,
Though we always shall wonder,
How many had to die when chaos fell from the sky

Loser · 02-04-2007, 09:26 AM

It reminds me a bit of the tornados that hit florida this weekend. But I enjoyed it I would've wished it could be alittle longer though.

Crowe · 02-04-2007, 12:45 PM

Hey I like this one a lot. Lot of clarity in the imagery all compacted into a short piece. Very nice.

skindredluver · 02-04-2007, 01:15 PM

Ya i like it a lot to!Better then mine

ZeppelinAir · 02-04-2007, 04:30 PM

thanks all

, i might still make it a bit longer

02-04-2007, 03:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	Mystic Grey-Black Sky i would really if a few of you could tell me what i did right and did wrong on this poem Mystic Grey-Black Sky A funnel of chaos falls from the sky In the midst of the mothers howl, Hounds in the hell passes and the mother will sigh, Leaving the symbol through the fields and cities, Splinters of our shattered lives, Fly and pierce into our eyes, Bleeding and broken we continue on, Though we always shall wonder, How many had to die when chaos fell from the sky __________________ not that old signature

02-04-2007, 12:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	Hey I like this one a lot. Lot of clarity in the imagery all compacted into a short piece. Very nice. __________________

02-04-2007, 01:15 PM	#4 (permalink)
skindredluver Im Just As Sweet!!!:) Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: america Posts: 570	Ya i like it a lot to!Better then mine __________________ Let them live in the stillness and know the flame. They will loose all and give all.. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright Coffee, chocolate and men, some things are just better rich

02-04-2007, 04:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	thanks all , i might still make it a bit longer __________________ not that old signature

02-04-2007, 09:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,113	It reminds me a bit of the tornados that hit florida this weekend. But I enjoyed it I would've wished it could be alittle longer though.