Confused
 

I dont want to stay here anymore
I really cant tell you how I feel
Cause i know youll take it wrong
I have nothing else to confess
I already got it all off my chest
It hurts me more and more every day
Not quite sure if im gonna go away
I cant stand this pain anymore
Its really getting old
Your yelling and screaming
All the things ruined
Nothing survives our fights
For some reason i wish
I could make up my mind


Wow it really sucks!:laughing:
I changes it a l;ittle but its still gae

yeah it does :usehead:

It's not bad I like a couple of lines it was alright just try to make it more abstract or make it like a story sort of, that helps alot.

its catchy, and it doesnt suck, needs a bit of work though

Thanx:laughing:

it needs a lot of work, im a fan of very short poems but this doesnt make the cut for me. your not the worst i've seen though :)

Who is the worst everyone here has some talent it'll be hard to see who's the worst.

im the worst :D

^you've gone a long way though.


I hate broad statements with nothing behind them in poems. That's what's wrong with this. It's a bunch of broad ideas. There's nothing personal or unique or about it.

im not talking about this forum, i've seen many more poems than what people post on here.

I still stand by what i say!

so i am :( , im going to cry in the corner now

good stuff, accepting criticism is half the battle, just work on it and i think it'll be rather good :)

Thanx I will keep trying

the word choice needs a little help. The 3rd grade vocabulary choice doesnt make it that powerful. But it's the first non-emo cliched riddled poem/lyrics that I have read on this site, which makes it my favorite.

you what?

As in it hurts how they always fight and yell you know

This made me LOL.

Plus hating lyrics based on the group you place them in yourself is also pretty awesome.

And your typical emo bands lyrics are very good, but you probably think Fall Out Boy is emo so whatever.


Oh skindredluver, read a book expand your vocabulary and read better peoples stuff and all that jazz. Because theres no vocabulary, its boring too read and a bland topic.

In an effort to make Kovorkian Logic feel stupid, let's play "Spot the Cliched Words and Phrases Game," where anything cliched is in bold type face. READY? GO

it's not cliched as most of the lyrics are. i'm talking "I'm tired of playing this game of life" cliches. I mean if you say that whole poem is a cliche, then basically saying emotions are cliche.

I was also trying to be nice because I just had insulted her.

I could care less insult me as much as you want its not like im gonna cry!And crow I dont think fall out boy is emo truast me theyre not even close

^he made the fob comment KL not you.


Yea emo lyrics are great.

Oh wasnt sure about that

The tone of the poem and the mood it sets are both very cliched. Lines are unoriginal with boring vocabulary and filler words presenting a majority of the concept. What really kills you is the overall mundane slump of your diction and overly simplistic syntax, rhyme scheme, and meter.