It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion (house, show, Hang)

Loser · 01-31-2007, 07:03 PM

It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion

I stand outside of your bedroom
Listening to every word
The once subtle argument turned into a fight rather quickly
I heard every yell and every curse flood out of your mouth's
I can't help but to think is this my fault?what have I done?
All the tension can be felt from where I stand
It can silence the loudest explosion with freight
It's like clock work one parent storms out of the room and out of the house
I watch the car back away and leave
I begin to cry the tears that they should've saw
The tears that would show them how much it hurts
To wake up in the middle of the night listening to the comotion
Often wondering if I was going to see them again
The tears that I held back for way to long
Should've shown that day
One parent left in the house
If I shed a tear would things be alright
I wish the world would stop spinning so I can get off
The argument of the century was long and drawn out
All I want is a family, nothing more..........
I hear a car come up the drive-way
It's the missing piece of this family
Next time the tears will flow down my cheek
So they'll see it not only hurts them it also hurts me
I'm tired of playing this game of life
Life can be so cruel but yet so intriguing
But when it hit's soo close to home
You wonder.....

sleepy jack · 01-31-2007, 07:05 PM

Alot of these lines are cliche, others are pretty good.

"I begin to cry the tears that they should've saw
The tears that would show them how much it hurts"

That was just awful, change it.

Sneer · 01-31-2007, 07:07 PM

its ok, BUT, to me its far too wordy. Room for improvement nice foundation.

Kevorkian Logic · 01-31-2007, 07:11 PM

you might want to consider like boxing or something to get out all your excess emotions. It's a bit too emo.

I agree it's cliche at parts, "I'm tired of playing this game of life." that is painful to read.

Sneer · 01-31-2007, 07:15 PM

'cliche' when used in poetry makes me laugh, talking about love and tears is frowned upon yet talking about blooms and the moon is perfectly acceptable.

01-31-2007, 07:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Loser The Professor Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 1,113	It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion It Can Silence The Loudest Explosion I stand outside of your bedroom Listening to every word The once subtle argument turned into a fight rather quickly I heard every yell and every curse flood out of your mouth's I can't help but to think is this my fault?what have I done? All the tension can be felt from where I stand It can silence the loudest explosion with freight It's like clock work one parent storms out of the room and out of the house I watch the car back away and leave I begin to cry the tears that they should've saw The tears that would show them how much it hurts To wake up in the middle of the night listening to the comotion Often wondering if I was going to see them again The tears that I held back for way to long Should've shown that day One parent left in the house If I shed a tear would things be alright I wish the world would stop spinning so I can get off The argument of the century was long and drawn out All I want is a family, nothing more.......... I hear a car come up the drive-way It's the missing piece of this family Next time the tears will flow down my cheek So they'll see it not only hurts them it also hurts me I'm tired of playing this game of life Life can be so cruel but yet so intriguing But when it hit's soo close to home You wonder.....

01-31-2007, 07:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	its ok, BUT, to me its far too wordy. Room for improvement nice foundation. __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show

01-31-2007, 07:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Kevorkian Logic Imperfectly Perfect Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 1,290	you might want to consider like boxing or something to get out all your excess emotions. It's a bit too emo. I agree it's cliche at parts, "I'm tired of playing this game of life." that is painful to read. __________________ "it is only through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect that a certain type of perfection can be attained"

01-31-2007, 07:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	'cliche' when used in poetry makes me laugh, talking about love and tears is frowned upon yet talking about blooms and the moon is perfectly acceptable. __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show