gottaSCREM

At least now I know what lines are "cheesy" or need to be changed. Before I got "dump it" this helps way more.

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The Person You Love To Hate

jibber

hahaha, sorry, i keep forgetting you're a girl. I shouldnt do that really, everyone always used to think i was a guy when i first joined this forum.

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What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

gottaSCREM

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The Person You Love To Hate

jibber

but she said she wouldnt continue with the critique becase EVERY LINE would have the words "cheesy and needs to be changed" under it.

and as for us being off topic, we've critiqued the song, it's unanimous, EVERYTHING is cheesy, EVERY LINE needs to be changed. what more do you want us to say? would you like some synonyms for the words cheesy and cliche?

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What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

either/or

i love this song. i think it flows well and it makes me look at love and the entire mystery of human existence in a new way. look out dylan you've met your match!

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Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation

Sneer

you've all been very harsh here, maybe he is a teenager and maybe he's just writing whats on his mind, thats what poetry is about at the end of the day. You should give him a break.

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Fright Team radio show

Loser

Harsh indeed I actually liked it. Letting your heart out on paper from anger to heartbreak to family issues may not be good it still releaves the person of the burden to deal with it. Poetry and music go hand in hand with letting your feelings out it may not be shared with other people, but the only thing that matters is feeling good to let out such emotions.

acratertocoffin

My God pick up a book.

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Night of the Living Fred
Tuesdays at 11PM US EST
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BAND INTERVIEWS

Alo

How cute, did you cut up pop-emo lyrics, scramble them together, and pick a few?

If you did, you had a bad hand...

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I rocked my shoelaces untied

ZeppelinAir

it has a problem with flow, a lot of the lines dont go to gather well, still there a few good lines in there, it does need quite a bit of work, keep working on it think of more detailed words to replace the overused ones

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not that old signature