..........................
 

The winds scowl as they blaze by your fragile body
Cold
There for the world to see
Some offer help
Others offer blame
No one to count on as the earth seemingly swallows you whole
Bad decisions with good intentions
Bad intentions with even worse consequences
The actions of the whole influence the actions of a friend
No help
Just the solitude of consequence
The reliability of friendship is blindly ripped away
Cheers of the crowd
Influenced by jeers of the proud
Treated like a dog for the amusement of ego
Praying for that helping hand
It never came…….
Praying for the heart of man
It never came……

Black Dot. (I'll get to it later)

This is more of a way to vent than a song or poem. Just lettin' ya know.

sounds very honest and sad
i like it

I agree with blacktshirt that was really good though oojay!

Not diggin' some of the line breaks. Mostly the two with one word as the entire next line. It only works if the last word is a sharp word. Words like...razor...stuff with R's or Z's work very well, making razor a triple whammy.

No one to count on as the earth seemingly swallows you whole < Boring. Used. Like Pam Anderson. (You'll find I make a lot of fun of her).


Cheers of the crowd
Influenced by jeers of the proud < Not all that great rhyme.


So, yeah. Your biggest problems is the line breaks, the ones where the second half of the sentence, on the next line, is really short. Then that one really cliche line. Not bad though.

Well like I said, its not really a song or a poem or anything, just a way to express some feelings.