dremecast

you took my world by hostage when you came into my life that day.
and now i know my heart will never be the same.
we need to get back to basics, before both our worlds collide.
and now i need a second opinion, a place to confide.

(chorus)

and its amazing
how you phaze me
thinkin' about you all the time

drivin' me crazy
not being lazy
not having too much on my mind(2x)

(verse 2)

i want to know if know if you will ever want to marry me and take off.

i wanna hitch you to the back of my trailer, take you with me to alberta.

cuz thats where i find solace, away from here(2x)
(chorus)2x)
(instrumental solo)
(bridge)
and we both know that you will rise above
if you are just showered with my love
and will you ever find peace.
will you stop pushing hate.
(chorus a few times the over)

sleepy jack

This is pretty bad, i'll post an intelligent full on critique later.

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_Spinning_

Meh.

Average, at best.

sleepy jack

World by hostage isn't witty its cheesy you could have saved that with some nice punch-line sort of line, but you pulled the line that followed it was really cliche.

The second half is just, yeah the same cheesy and cliche.
The rhyming here is SOOO forced phaze me? crazy lazy? Cmon.

Hitch you to the back of my trailer? OUCH, abuse isn't cool.

Pushing hate?


To summarize this, it looks like something written by a 11 year old boy whos trying to rip off nsync.

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A_Perfect_Sonnet

Looks like one of Ethan's old poems.

To fill you in, it sucks.

dremecast

thank you all for the critiques on my song, this is all very useful information, i need this information to know what to erase from my lyric book and what to keep in it so thank you