possibly the quickest thing I have wrote ever. (country)

TrampInaTux · 11-11-2006, 05:14 AM

seriously. about 5 mins.

He found the transition unnerving
The likely lad was swerving
He avoided the friction
said he was quitting
started a new life in the country

CHORUS
Fever... he's got city fever...
Y'knew someday he would leave y'
and put behind all the deceivers
where's his blanket to fall in?
where's his blanket to fall in?
past the dry cleaners and behind the loony bin

He reeks of Homme Sport
got a bad report
his parents pointed their fingers in shame
He cried with his thumb in his can
cutting up his hand
"I'll never try this again"

CHORUS
Fever... he's got city fever...
Y'knew someday he would leave y'
and put behind all the deceivers
where's his blanket to fall in?
where's his blanket to fall in?
past the dry cleaners and behind the loony bin

Where's the brown?
It's all gone to your head
Eyes of sleep and shoes of lead
They're gonna make your world full circle
He's tired of the simple life
tired of the working life
starting a new life in the country

CHORUS
Fever... he's got city fever...
Y'knew someday he would leave y'
and put behind all the deceivers
where's his blanket to fall in?
where's his blanket to fall in?
past the dry cleaners and behind the loony bin

Alo · 11-11-2006, 05:55 AM

I like the chorus.
The verses seem a bit chaotic, and it doesn't really seem to fit together. On the other hand, that might fit the topic...

sleepy jack · 11-11-2006, 04:24 PM

I like it, though it seems a bit awkard in points and all around it seems pretty rough.

11-11-2006, 05:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	possibly the quickest thing I have wrote ever. seriously. about 5 mins. He found the transition unnerving The likely lad was swerving He avoided the friction said he was quitting started a new life in the country CHORUS Fever... he's got city fever... Y'knew someday he would leave y' and put behind all the deceivers where's his blanket to fall in? where's his blanket to fall in? past the dry cleaners and behind the loony bin He reeks of Homme Sport got a bad report his parents pointed their fingers in shame He cried with his thumb in his can cutting up his hand "I'll never try this again" CHORUS Fever... he's got city fever... Y'knew someday he would leave y' and put behind all the deceivers where's his blanket to fall in? where's his blanket to fall in? past the dry cleaners and behind the loony bin Where's the brown? It's all gone to your head Eyes of sleep and shoes of lead They're gonna make your world full circle He's tired of the simple life tired of the working life starting a new life in the country CHORUS Fever... he's got city fever... Y'knew someday he would leave y' and put behind all the deceivers where's his blanket to fall in? where's his blanket to fall in? past the dry cleaners and behind the loony bin

11-11-2006, 05:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Location: Brighton, UK Posts: 715	I like the chorus. The verses seem a bit chaotic, and it doesn't really seem to fit together. On the other hand, that might fit the topic... __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied