**** This **** (Usher, title, show, quote, memory)

TrampInaTux · 10-14-2006, 06:12 PM

Every word we spoke of, romance beyond love
things I never knew and things you were thinking of
Her warm summer to my rain
and there goes another face, that I'll never see again
I smiled at my darling girl, right into her pretty eyes
Cut a memory unforgotten, as sharp as a knife
Leave me in tact I've got so much to lose
Even though everything has already left me
I need to find my own path in my own shoes
Carvings on my wall show an obsession I dare not say
I'll speak through my fingertips, as was always the case
When my mouth is shut know that the words are too hard to choose
So many things I need to tell you, but all the precious time we lose
Banish the smile I want to shout at a frown
I want to see you all the time, to tell you I'll never see you again
And see that love sparkle back in your eyes and desperation hits
We are plain in our needs, no glamour and no glitz
This is where you've left me but I'll say I made it on my own
Darling, if I tell no one, then only I shall know

Totally contrasting title... REALLY WOULD LIKE OPINIONS ON THIS ONE. I think this is gonna be the marmite of my songs...

Merkaba · 10-14-2006, 06:45 PM

That is amazing, I fully enjoyed it.

The opening four lines are my favourites, followed by "When my mouth is shut...So many things I need..."

TrampInaTux · 10-15-2006, 03:59 AM

Ooooh I'm surprised the first opinion was a good one... I might do more along this style if I get enough good opinions...

sleepy jack · 10-15-2006, 01:37 PM

I don't have much to say about this, it all tie together nicely and I like the ending.

right-track · 10-15-2006, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrampInaTux

Ooooh I'm surprised the first opinion was a good one... I might do more along this style if I get enough good opinions...

It's good, but I'd like to see you rewrite some of your earlier ideas...the estate series you did.
I think you've come on a lot since then and I liked that kind of urban comment type thing.

TrampInaTux · 10-15-2006, 02:33 PM

Right, RT, you've just gave yourself a challenge.

Give me an urban-style story. And I'll create it into a song. GO!

right-track · 10-15-2006, 02:36 PM

You know...the scallies, the hoodies, the drugs...the choices!

right-track · 10-15-2006, 02:42 PM

True story...

A young lad at work has a mate, it's his best friend from since they were kids.
His mate is buying crack off a pusher (they both know him) he's doing it cos he looks up to the pusher, but the lads a bit slow in the head, somehow he thinks it's 'cool'.
The lad at work doesn't know what to do. Stand up to the pusher and face a life of hell, or walk away from his mate, which he can't...it's ripping him apart.

TrampInaTux · 10-15-2006, 02:55 PM

Bloody hell that's gonna be hard to translate... I usually go for the simple stories me! ah well, will be a challenge. Ta.

right-track · 10-15-2006, 03:00 PM

They are like brothers, he's looked after his mate for years, protecting him and sticking up for him when people tried to take liberties...it's really getting to him.

10-14-2006, 06:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	** This ** Every word we spoke of, romance beyond love things I never knew and things you were thinking of Her warm summer to my rain and there goes another face, that I'll never see again I smiled at my darling girl, right into her pretty eyes Cut a memory unforgotten, as sharp as a knife Leave me in tact I've got so much to lose Even though everything has already left me I need to find my own path in my own shoes Carvings on my wall show an obsession I dare not say I'll speak through my fingertips, as was always the case When my mouth is shut know that the words are too hard to choose So many things I need to tell you, but all the precious time we lose Banish the smile I want to shout at a frown I want to see you all the time, to tell you I'll never see you again And see that love sparkle back in your eyes and desperation hits We are plain in our needs, no glamour and no glitz This is where you've left me but I'll say I made it on my own Darling, if I tell no one, then only I shall know Totally contrasting title... REALLY WOULD LIKE OPINIONS ON THIS ONE. I think this is gonna be the marmite of my songs...

10-14-2006, 06:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
Merkaba Whitewater! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,885	That is amazing, I fully enjoyed it. The opening four lines are my favourites, followed by "When my mouth is shut...So many things I need..." __________________ She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker

10-15-2006, 03:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Ooooh I'm surprised the first opinion was a good one... I might do more along this style if I get enough good opinions...

10-15-2006, 02:33 PM	#6 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Right, RT, you've just gave yourself a challenge. Give me an urban-style story. And I'll create it into a song. GO!

10-15-2006, 02:36 PM	#7 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	You know...the scallies, the hoodies, the drugs...the choices!

10-15-2006, 02:42 PM	#8 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	True story... A young lad at work has a mate, it's his best friend from since they were kids. His mate is buying crack off a pusher (they both know him) he's doing it cos he looks up to the pusher, but the lads a bit slow in the head, somehow he thinks it's 'cool'. The lad at work doesn't know what to do. Stand up to the pusher and face a life of hell, or walk away from his mate, which he can't...it's ripping him apart.

10-15-2006, 02:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Bloody hell that's gonna be hard to translate... I usually go for the simple stories me! ah well, will be a challenge. Ta.

10-15-2006, 03:00 PM	#10 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	They are like brothers, he's looked after his mate for years, protecting him and sticking up for him when people tried to take liberties...it's really getting to him.