For The Hills (lyrics, bling)

enemyat_thesix · 10-12-2006, 11:25 PM

The sky fell last week;
Rather, the buildings did.
Concrete crumbling around us,
We ran for the hills;

Nothing could crush us there.

(I did not write these as lyrics; I hope plain ol' poetry is acceptable, as well.

)

sleepy jack · 10-13-2006, 03:09 PM

Extend it! Its good, the ending is kind of weak though.

Alo · 10-13-2006, 03:12 PM

^ I agree with Crowquill, maybe you could extend it by making it into a metaphor. And if it is already, make it more obvious.

Raine · 10-14-2006, 12:44 AM

the alliteration was my favorite part.

I loved it.

(see i really loved it)

10-13-2006, 03:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Location: Brighton, UK Posts: 715	^ I agree with Crowquill, maybe you could extend it by making it into a metaphor. And if it is already, make it more obvious. __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

10-14-2006, 12:44 AM	#4 (permalink)
Raine Full-Time Hellion Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: PA Posts: 1,531	the alliteration was my favorite part. I loved it. (see i really loved it) __________________ A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche