Bethel
 

Bethel
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My feet upon the ground make this ending feel much nearer
Though my ignorance of loyalty begs the question
How could one even so fickle as me
Have morals so conspicuously trampled by possession

When I know the shades and shadows of hope I left myself for a more rainy day
Were silenced by a shimmer of the outside that caressed my doubts away

And as faith becomes obsession and obsession brings resistance
I am plagued by family trees of accusation and admittance
Now to stray even a pace from the fortress of my cause
Is to accept the need for war and the transparency of laws

Whether this struggle left signs or sins
I must understand that everything begins
With the step off a curb into a busy street
And the disgust that the concrete still dirties your feet

So show me something holy,
I’ll show you blind determination
And the promise that discretion
Is just the art of compensation

So show me something real
I’ll show you what’s sacred instead
The understanding I’ll never be safe
Now that I know my hope is dead

Did you think that I was scared?
To leave my mother before I could show her
The sting of one last stab at closure?
I swear I’m never going home.
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wow i need to write more... you know the drill

Its gooood, I like "as faith becomes obsession and obsession brings resistance" that part best.

thanks dude

any more by chance?

I'll get to it creep, where have you been?

I literally have been living without electricity for the past 2 weeks... went to cottage... then my cottage broke so we went camping

This is hard to critique in the fact that, technique wise - it's all over the map. Starting off with the stretching verses - I would have to hear the music in order to make that kind of connection. The writing is eloquent, of course, but what is the song about, really? The rhyming scheme works, and you made so very clever and creative choices on making that work. The only thing I can say for now is a more consistent format... stanza wise... like I said, it's all over the map. And... what is the song about again? If you told me I might be able to give it another run through and see what could be fixed and what is perfect. Me having to ask tells you something though... but then again that's just preference- I'm a fan of clear cut story and nothing too ambiguous