ZeppelinAir

here is one i wrote awile ago, dont know if its any good, thought i get your opinions,

See You Again

When the night closes in,
And I here that same old love song on the radio,
And it make me wish I was there with you,
There to see your face,
And to hear the words I like to hear,
Cause its been like forever,

I want turn to see,
To see you again,
I wonder about you all the time,
I wonder when I will,
Wonder when I will see you again,2x

I dream the night away,
Wonder why these memories come back to me,
Just thinking some day,
I might wake to see you by my side,
Though I know,
I know this is just fantasy,

I want turn to see,
To see you again,
I wonder about you all the time,
I wonder when I will,
Wonder when I will see you again,2x

Every breath I take you hold me down,
Every thought I make you hold me down,
Why do you hold me down,
Why my thoughts of you hold me down,

My thoughts of you will never end,
My thoughts of you my old friend,
I wonder if I,
I can hold my head up high,
And say its been awhile,

I want turn to see,
To see you again,
I wonder about you all the time,
I wonder when I will,
Wonder when I will see you again,3x

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explosions-in-my-pants

bad news

I'm sorry but this is crap.. its like you were sleep writing.. its bad.. B.A.D

when the night closes in- is a name and a part of a song that's like in every adam sandler movie ever..

and the line - I dream the night away - is also from some where else.. I mean really how tried are you? come on we both know you can write better then this.. try harder and please if you don't notice your taking lines from other songs then you shoiuld probably not listen to music while writing.

ZeppelinAir

i want aware i was taking lines from other songs,
and it was like 5:30 in the morning when it was wrote, so that might explain it

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Ace

You may be able to salvage the verses. But I'm pretty sure you weren't aware of it, but the chorus is basically a song Lenny Kravitz sings. The main hook in it is, "And I wonder if I'll, ever see you again". It may have embedded itself in your sub-conscious.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by RezZ I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.

ZeppelinAir

really, had no clue, seems as if every thing is taken

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creepinson

obviously the fact that youre using lines that have already been used means you need to try to express relatively cliche emotions in a more original and interesting way

to get you started, try to work metaphors, similies and imagery into a style of your own