all cause I fell so deep...

sleepy jack · 08-10-2006, 11:33 PM

1. You're not one to talk about dodging questions.
2. I don't know any girl that would want any of those in her relationship.
3. You made it sound like you were talking about her to urban.
4. Your question was pretty dumb, EIMP was saying she didn't see why anyone wants that in the relationship, you then go what would you rather i call it..like did you even get what she was saying?
5. "I didn't mean to post that particular comment.", do you even think before you post?

Okay, I don't really care for this. The sorrow just seems kind of bland. Its just like, oh im sad...go more in-depth into the misery. This has potential, but it just is kind of weak. A more varied vocabulary would be nice also.

explosions-in-my-pants · 08-10-2006, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

1. You're not one to talk about dodging questions.
2. I don't know any girl that would want any of those in her relationship.
3. You made it sound like you were talking about her to urban.
4. Your question was pretty dumb, EIMP was saying she didn't see why anyone wants that in the relationship, you then go what would you rather i call it..like did you even get what she was saying?
5. "I didn't mean to post that particular comment.", do you even think before you post?

that's right, you said it Ethan

Quote:

Okay, I don't really care for this. The sorrow just seems kind of bland. Its just like, oh im sad...go more in-depth into the misery. This has potential, but it just is kind of weak. A more varied vocabulary would be nice also.

its weird cause i always post songs (well sometimes) and well I never seem to know how to add and fix or whatever.. might be weird to know but I have like 4 pages of list's of words that i love to use (used to use in writens) and well I had it becaise of my bad spelling and because there words that I would just forget and they work well.. but I lost them.. but I need them.. damn.

Raine · 08-10-2006, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

4. Your question was pretty dumb, EIMP was saying she didn't see why anyone wants that in the relationship, you then go what would you rather i call it..like did you even get what she was saying?
5. "I didn't mean to post that particular comment.", do you even think before you post?

Yes to the first question, and not always to the second

explosions-in-my-pants · 08-10-2006, 11:51 PM

alright I don't know if I made it a bit better or much worse.. so yea thoughts?

It was some time ago
when you left me alone;
I got caught in so deep,
you beat my heart with your fist.

Such a lie,
that everyone but you can see.
You were the boy for me,
and I,
got trapped in so deep, beneath your feet.
And I,
won't get over you.

I was such a fool for you,
there's no more room for me.
Finding it hard to remain strong.
Lies of truth only lies to see.

It was some time ago
when you left me alone;
I got caught in so deep,
with my heart in your hands,
it fall's apart..
You let it go, you ripped my heart.

You know there is no use for you,
yet I can't
I can't...
I won't get over you,
cause I love...
Cause I can't
cause fell so deep,
in love with you.

sleepy jack · 08-10-2006, 11:53 PM

"ripped my heart." = way too cliche, same with heart in your hands. Try some different metaphors, stay away from like, all those killing, breaking, tearing, cutting, black heart kind of metaphors you see your typical MTVemo band use.

explosions-in-my-pants · 08-10-2006, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

"ripped my heart." = way too cliche, same with heart in your hands. Try some different metaphors, stay away from like, all those killing, breaking, tearing, cutting, black heart kind of metaphors you see your typical MTVemo band use.

yea alright.. back to the drawing borad.

Oh i hope your ready to laugh at the changes.. haha

It was some time ago
when you left me alone;
I got caught in so deep,
you beat my heart with your fist.

Such a lie,
that everyone but you can see.
You were the boy for me,
and I,
got trapped in so deep, beneath your feet.
And I,
won't get over you.

I was such a fool for you,
there's no more room for me.
Finding it hard to remain strong.
Lies of truth only lies to see.

It was some time ago
when you left me alone;
I got caught in so deep,
I wanted to try,
but so it seems you'd rather die.

Underneath all the lies,
lay naked and still,
a pile of papers written ‘me + you'
secret feelings, with torment and pain,
an emo song.. Written with a blood filled pen.

You know there is no use for you,
yet I can't
I can't...
I won't get over you,
cause I love...
Cause I can't
cause fell so deep,
in love with you.

08-10-2006, 11:51 PM	#14 (permalink)
explosions-in-my-pants angel of tragic days Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 924	alright I don't know if I made it a bit better or much worse.. so yea thoughts? It was some time ago when you left me alone; I got caught in so deep, you beat my heart with your fist. Such a lie, that everyone but you can see. You were the boy for me, and I, got trapped in so deep, beneath your feet. And I, won't get over you. I was such a fool for you, there's no more room for me. Finding it hard to remain strong. Lies of truth only lies to see. It was some time ago when you left me alone; I got caught in so deep, with my heart in your hands, it fall's apart.. You let it go, you ripped my heart. You know there is no use for you, yet I can't I can't... I won't get over you, cause I love... Cause I can't cause fell so deep, in love with you.