Ode to an ex
 

Scream my name
Rip me apart
The pain helps me see
And, oh, how I love it

(He's in your head
Like his nails in your back)

I want you to lie to me
I love it when you want me
I hate it when you're here,
so back the **** off

(My heart burns for you
I love you but I just dont want you)



I dont really write lyrics. I compose melodies better. So these arent the best, but I want to improve, so I posted these which I just wrote and hoped to get some pointers and suggestions.

How bad is it?

please lose that line bold.

And it's not that bad. And is Ode to an Ex the title of the song or something yuo came up with spur of th emoment

^just needed a topic name.

And why lose that line?

it doesn't go with the same topic as the rest of the stanza.
If you so choose to keep it, you might want to put a few lines in between that and the rest of the stanza. By a few I mean 2-3.

Unless you write a line with then syllables or more.

It just sounds like something I've read before. It's not personal in any sense it reads like you're going through the motions of writing.

Scream my name
Rip me apart
The pain helps me see
reminds me of taking back sunday..
why would his nails be stuck in your back? shouldn't it be your nails in his back? odd.

I want you to lie to me
I love it when you want me
I hate it when you're here,
so back the **** off
again, it reminds me of taking back sunday.

but the rest of the song I don't like either.. it all seems done really fast without any real thought.. try better.

^it was done really fast. And I tend to do taking back sunday-esque lyrics. lol.

well then I guessed right haha.. didn't expect that..

Its really bad, I swear i've read basically the same thing at least 50 times.

Honestly....it's not terrible...it's just not good, either...:)

Too much of a common theme...