Ode to an ex (lyrics, title, quote, song)

DearJenny · 08-10-2006, 06:19 PM

Scream my name
Rip me apart
The pain helps me see
And, oh, how I love it

(He's in your head
Like his nails in your back)

I want you to lie to me
I love it when you want me
I hate it when you're here,
so back the **** off

(My heart burns for you
I love you but I just dont want you)

I dont really write lyrics. I compose melodies better. So these arent the best, but I want to improve, so I posted these which I just wrote and hoped to get some pointers and suggestions.

How bad is it?

Raine · 08-10-2006, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PipersLabyrinthX

Scream my name
Rip me apart
The pain helps me see
And, oh, how I love it

(He's in your head
Like his nails in your back)

I want you to lie to me
I love it when you want me
I hate it when you're here,
so back the **** off

(My heart burns for you
I love you but I just dont want you)

I dont really write lyrics. I compose melodies better. So these arent the best, but I want to improve, so I posted these which I just wrote and hoped to get some pointers and suggestions.

How bad is it?

please lose that line bold.

And it's not that bad. And is Ode to an Ex the title of the song or something yuo came up with spur of th emoment

DearJenny · 08-10-2006, 06:27 PM

^just needed a topic name.

And why lose that line?

Raine · 08-10-2006, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PipersLabyrinthX

^just needed a topic name.

And why lose that line?

it doesn't go with the same topic as the rest of the stanza.
If you so choose to keep it, you might want to put a few lines in between that and the rest of the stanza. By a few I mean 2-3.

Unless you write a line with then syllables or more.

swim · 08-10-2006, 06:33 PM

It just sounds like something I've read before. It's not personal in any sense it reads like you're going through the motions of writing.

explosions-in-my-pants · 08-10-2006, 06:36 PM

Scream my name
Rip me apart
The pain helps me see

Quote:

And, oh, how I love it

reminds me of taking back sunday..

Quote:

(He's in your head
Like his nails in your back)

why would his nails be stuck in your back? shouldn't it be your nails in his back? odd.

I want you to lie to me
I love it when you want me
I hate it when you're here,
so back the **** off

Quote:

(My heart burns for you
I love you but I just dont want you)

again, it reminds me of taking back sunday.

but the rest of the song I don't like either.. it all seems done really fast without any real thought.. try better.

DearJenny · 08-10-2006, 06:37 PM

^it was done really fast. And I tend to do taking back sunday-esque lyrics. lol.

explosions-in-my-pants · 08-10-2006, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PipersLabyrinthX

^it was done really fast. And I tend to do taking back sunday-esque lyrics. lol.

well then I guessed right haha.. didn't expect that..

sleepy jack · 08-10-2006, 08:26 PM

Its really bad, I swear i've read basically the same thing at least 50 times.

_Spinning_ · 08-10-2006, 09:10 PM

Honestly....it's not terrible...it's just not good, either...

Too much of a common theme...

08-10-2006, 06:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
DearJenny Raptor Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metro Detroit, MI Posts: 1,321	Ode to an ex Scream my name Rip me apart The pain helps me see And, oh, how I love it (He's in your head Like his nails in your back) I want you to lie to me I love it when you want me I hate it when you're here, so back the **** off (My heart burns for you I love you but I just dont want you) I dont really write lyrics. I compose melodies better. So these arent the best, but I want to improve, so I posted these which I just wrote and hoped to get some pointers and suggestions. How bad is it? __________________ So here's to living life miserable. And here's to all the lonely stories that I've told. Maybe drinking wine will validate my sorrow. Every man needs a muse and mine could be the bottle.

08-10-2006, 06:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
DearJenny Raptor Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metro Detroit, MI Posts: 1,321	^just needed a topic name. And why lose that line? __________________ So here's to living life miserable. And here's to all the lonely stories that I've told. Maybe drinking wine will validate my sorrow. Every man needs a muse and mine could be the bottle.

08-10-2006, 06:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
swim dontcareaboutyou Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 5,188	It just sounds like something I've read before. It's not personal in any sense it reads like you're going through the motions of writing. __________________ http://nakednaps.bandcamp.com/

08-10-2006, 06:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
DearJenny Raptor Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metro Detroit, MI Posts: 1,321	^it was done really fast. And I tend to do taking back sunday-esque lyrics. lol. __________________ So here's to living life miserable. And here's to all the lonely stories that I've told. Maybe drinking wine will validate my sorrow. Every man needs a muse and mine could be the bottle.

08-10-2006, 09:10 PM	#10 (permalink)
_Spinning_ Inexplicably Back Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 830	Honestly....it's not terrible...it's just not good, either... Too much of a common theme...