Heres Something Im Starting On..
 

Its no where near finished. I just want to know if its a good start. Or what i can change.

Verse 1

Im a Disoriented Teen
With a lot of Hate
I live my life without
breathing day to day
drowned by my own anxiety
I tend to cut my own throat


start of chorus

Strangled by the same line
that you slashed off once more..

You need something to link the first two stanzas that you have.
The first line of your frist stanza leaves me feeling a tad disoriented.
The concept has been done before and you're too being too vague to make this song stand out in a positive way amongst all the other songs about this subject.

I don't think this is a very good start to anything as is.

My suggestion is that you toss the first two lines enitrely and rewrite the first stanza so that the first line is a hook and then carry on with . . . whatever else it was you wanted to say

I live life
day to day
drowning in anxieties . . .
blah blah blah

or

I live life day to day
inhaling anxieties
and expelling . . . .
blah blah blah

I dunno

Quit trying to write like FFTL and do your own thing.

Who? Raine or the n00b?

The n00b.

Unoriginal and trite.

clearly I attempt to rewrite some of her work so that it sounded better.

The idea of me writing int he manner in which Failure by Designer Jeans does makes me wanna rip my eyes out of their sockets

that made me think tripe..which is a gross food, whic also brings me to saying this song makes me want to vomit

Im not trying to be like them. They have never wrote anything. close to that.

Yeah, they've written cliche angsty trash. This is cliche angsty trash.