Another recording for critique. (lyrics, cover, myspace, band, songs)

DontRunMeOver · 08-02-2006, 02:30 AM

I added one of my songs to my band website. Its the only one there at the moment!

www.myspace.com/jodileeparker (Fare Better on my own demo)

I recorded it on cubase, so if you could give it a listen, a critique and offer suggestions as to what bits you like, what you don't like and what I could change then that would be grand.

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Lyrics - I'll Fare Better On My Own

I've been here before
A shattered jaw
And elbowed in the gut
Hearing your choice
With quiet rejoice
As you say we're splitting up
I feign sorrow to the last
But feel better on my own

I've been here before
Clothes that you tore
Hanging from my limbs
Quiet reflection
Sees your rejection
As a loss from which I win
Now unconstricted by your rules
I play better on my own

Don't explain your reasoning
I'm just pleased your throwing in the towel
As you walk away
I won't be giving chase
Not now, no, no

For though your smile shines like diamond
Your heart is twice as hard
You shattered my illusions
And stabbed me with the shards
If you want to go, then go
If you want to stay, please... don't
I'll fare better on my own

I've been here before
Bloodied and raw
From loyalties misplaced
I have no illusions
It was delusions and spectres that I chased
The voices in my head
They'll sound better on my own

Don't explain your reasoning
I'm just pleased your throwing in the towel
As you walk away
I won't be giving chase
Not now, no, no

For though your smile shines like diamond
Your heart is twice as hard
You shattered my illusions
And stabbed me with the shards
If you want to go, then go
If you want to stay, please... don't
I'll fare better on my own

You step unnaturally slow as you turn to go
Did you think that I would be calling you back?
Did you think that I would crumble like my world was about to implode
That I would beg for your decision to retract?
Well, it seems that you misjudged the way I would respond to your choice
Too many hours being bludgeoned by your ear-splitting voice
Next time I'm looking for a girl, I won't consider you
I'm so glad to be rid of you

For though your smile shines like diamond
Your heart is twice as hard
You shattered my illusions
And stabbed me with the shards
If you want to go, then go
If you want to stay, please... don't
I'll fare better on my own

I'd been here before
A shattered jaw
A worn and weary face
Cuts turned to scars
Soft eyes hardened
Photographs were replaced
The left side of the bed
It feels much better on my own

Alo · 08-02-2006, 04:17 AM

Mhhh, it sounds really neat!

I have one small point of critique, in the chorus part, I think the start of it kind of spoils it. It goes too high, the rest of the chorus sounds cool, so it's too bad that the listener has to ''recover'' from that note first. Get what I mean?

DontRunMeOver · 08-02-2006, 06:45 AM

Yes, I get what you mean. Having listened to it after recording, I agree with you too. The last chorus sounds best (in my opinion) because it doesn't go up at the start, so I think I'll do the same with the other choruses.

Alo · 08-02-2006, 08:04 AM

^ Great, post it again when changed!

Crowe · 08-02-2006, 06:11 PM

A beaut~

08-02-2006, 04:17 AM	#2 (permalink)
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Location: Brighton, UK Posts: 715	Mhhh, it sounds really neat! I have one small point of critique, in the chorus part, I think the start of it kind of spoils it. It goes too high, the rest of the chorus sounds cool, so it's too bad that the listener has to ''recover'' from that note first. Get what I mean? __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

08-02-2006, 08:04 AM	#4 (permalink)
Alo Scarf Join Date: May 2006 Location: Brighton, UK Posts: 715	^ Great, post it again when changed! __________________ I rocked my shoelaces untied

08-02-2006, 06:11 PM	#5 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	A beaut~ __________________