Building up a wall (myspace, quote, song)

either/or · 08-01-2006, 06:00 AM

Building up a wall

You run into the rain
With your head in your hand
Getting down in the mud
When you just cant stand
Cause It seems
Such a drag
When you realise
What she was getting at

But It doesn’t matter
I don’t have to leave
Cause I’ll be doing just as much
As I am doing here
I better stand
Before I fall
Tired arms
From building up a wall

Cause you tried too hard
To work out
Just what this silence
Is all about
You know me well
You play the past
But you and I both know
That aint gonna last

That's all. Check out my myspace *in my sig*. this song will be up there soon. hope you have all been well, especially you hobo, i wrote this song just for you. i might be back, im not sure.

peace

sleepy jack · 08-01-2006, 09:44 AM

You better be back :/. I thought it was good, the ending wrapped it up really nice.

Raine · 08-01-2006, 09:58 AM

You used second person point of you and then first person point of view. In that regard you aren't consistent.
I thought your last stanza shuold be broken up into two because they seemed to have two different ideas. And in between those two stanzas you should have something that links them together.

Quote:

Cause you tried too hard
To work out
Just what the silence
was all about

You knew me well
You played the past
But you and I both knew
it wasn't gonna last

I think this song and you have potential.

PS: come back soon.

either/or · 08-02-2006, 02:08 AM

cheers. yeah i did have another verse about building the wall to keep someone out but still in sight or such and such.

yeah i guess i am back.

08-01-2006, 06:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	Building up a wall Building up a wall You run into the rain With your head in your hand Getting down in the mud When you just cant stand Cause It seems Such a drag When you realise What she was getting at But It doesn’t matter I don’t have to leave Cause I’ll be doing just as much As I am doing here I better stand Before I fall Tired arms From building up a wall Cause you tried too hard To work out Just what this silence Is all about You know me well You play the past But you and I both know That aint gonna last That's all. Check out my myspace in my sig. this song will be up there soon. hope you have all been well, especially you hobo, i wrote this song just for you. i might be back, im not sure. peace __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

08-02-2006, 02:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	cheers. yeah i did have another verse about building the wall to keep someone out but still in sight or such and such. yeah i guess i am back. __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation