hold me tight
 

baby if you want my loving,
if you want to make things right.
i ask you,
hold me tight.

hold me, hold me tight,
its only me baby.
dont get a fright,
just hold me tight.

when i came to see you,
i had to come out in the pouring rain.
when a knocked upon your door,
you opened up and fell to the floor.

baby if you want my loving,
if you want to make things right.

it work in progress i know so if anyone has any comments or if they have an idea for the pyrics id really appreciate it.

The third line in your second stanza must done away with.

That whole ''baby if you want my loving" thing . . . seems awkward.
Maybe it's me and the whole english as a second language thing. i just can't imagine me myself saying it. . . . I just don't like it.

i guess ill re write it then

ill get that fixed

by the way wats a stanza?

A stanza is a paragraoh. the term is most often used when talking about poetry or songs, and some other topics I'm sure.

And I don't think the entire song should be re written. I just don't think it sounds right. Mostly in part because when I say these words in my head they don't sound right to me.

I'm not sure what you expect us to say about this song... really... there are no deep seeded emotions, no investment into an enriched vocabulary, lack of song writing knowledge all around. I think you might want to stick around a little bit longer and take in some of the stuff other members are writing...

I can see this as a 2 minute pop punk song. That doesn't make it good. Go look at some other people's songs real quick.

Not only that, just general get involved in this whole forum, read crits learn from peoples mistakes. You'll grow as a writer in doing so, that sounded so fucking cheesy...we should make a songwriting tips thread at some point.

awryt lets forget i ever wrote that ok?

Aha, its fine.
When I started out I sucked.

"lets slit our wrists and cry, were all just living to die"