Blade Of Red (title, quote, songs, Bell, hands)

ZeppelinAir · 07-22-2006, 01:28 AM

heres the newest, its a little dark to me,

Blade Of Red

Across a pond,
A stone of death,
A place where they may rest,

Theirs a man without a face,
He travels without rest,
His only purpose…
To wake the nest,

Dead without rest,
Ruler of the nest,
Blade of red,
Is the symbol of the dead, 2x

With the bells ring,
Hell will sing,
Songs in the night,

The Figures in stone,
Watch their own,
He sits upon his throne,
Waiting to take another soul,

Dead without rest,
Ruler of the nest,
Blade of red,
Is the symbol of the dead, 2x

(bell Ringing) Celebrate the king..

sleepy jack · 07-22-2006, 01:32 AM

I don't like it. The rhyming isn't even complex, its pretty much like, elementary school rhyming. I don't even understand what you're talking about.

ZeppelinAir · 07-22-2006, 01:34 AM

picture a cemetery, and think of death as the king of the dead

mosesandtherubberducky · 07-22-2006, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

I don't like it. The rhyming isn't even complex, its pretty much like, elementary school rhyming. I don't even understand what you're talking about.

Rhyming doesn't have to be complex but this song is a little shallow zepair

try adding more adverbs and adj.'s to it www.dictionary.com www.thesaurus.com and www.rhymer.com are your friends.

sleepy jack · 07-22-2006, 02:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mosesandtherubberducky

Rhyming doesn't have to be complex but this song is a little shallow zepair

Point remains, the rhyming in this is like, nursery school.

Also, now that I 'know' what its about. You write on the subject very poorly, half the things in here don't make much sense. Blade of red? Even if red is a metaphor for blood, it still doesn't make much sense.

Raine · 07-22-2006, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeppelinAir

Blade Of Red

Across a pond,
A stone of death,
A place where they may rest,

Theirs a man without a face,
He travels without rest,
His only purpose…
To wake the nest,

Dead without rest,
Ruler of the nest,
Blade of red,
Is the symbol of the dead, 2x

With the bells ring,
Hell will sing,
Songs in the night,

The Figures in stone,
Watch their own,
He sits upon his throne,
Waiting to take another soul,

Dead without rest,
Ruler of the nest,
Blade of red,
Is the symbol of the dead, 2x

(bell Ringing) Celebrate the king..

You first stanza is describing the scene for the dude that's walking. But your second line is a metaphor and we don't know what it's comparing/contrasting this early in the song. We do however know the tone of the song. But still, I think you should do away with it or somehow switch that stanza with the next one.
The line "Blade of Red" should be taken out because nowhere in the song do you mention anybody dying or someone being killed, or someone killing someone else. Assuming that red represents blood, you're implying someone is dying but the rest of the song is about some dude who isn't killing anyone, nor is he being killed. I'll overlook the fact that blade refers to knife and no one was killed with a knife in this song. I think what you were trying to do was find a connection between the guy in the song who is something of an undertaker, taking the souls of others. And if that is the case, you definitely need to find something better than "Blade of red"
And I think "is the symbol of the dead" should be made into an epithet and should taken out of all the stanzas it does appear in and placed after the "the man without a face." And the man without a face should be given a name or title of some sort.

And if it's in red, it's a spelling error

ZeppelinAir · 07-23-2006, 01:32 AM

what i mean by the blade of red, the grim reapers sythe, im not saying about someone being killed, i am saying how the reaper tearing out the souls of the dead, that is where the red comes from, an undertaker, never thought of that, its a good idea,and a man without a face, how many movies have had the reaper with a black void for his face, the spelling error, always had trouble with that, never could get it right, though that is what spell check said was right so i went with it

i am going to have to make it more clear

beat_monkey · 07-23-2006, 09:16 AM

i agree with the others but i dont know as much about writing as they do. i read the song and said it to myself and i thought "all right whats the song about" and i sat unable to peice together a theme or something like that.perhaps it can be changed but in my opionion its a write off.

Raine · 07-23-2006, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeppelinAir

what i mean by the blade of red, the grim reapers sythe, im not saying about someone being killed, i am saying how the reaper tearing out the souls of the dead, that is where the red comes from, an undertaker, never thought of that, its a good idea,and a man without a face, how many movies have had the reaper with a black void for his face, the spelling error, always had trouble with that, never could get it right, though that is what spell check said was right so i went with it

i am going to have to make it more clear

A computer is only as good as it's programmer. use a dictionary. One you can hold in your hands.

And I like the man without a face concept. I just think you should give him a name as well

beat_monkey · 07-23-2006, 11:06 AM

nice quote with the computer programmer and i thin youre right

07-22-2006, 01:28 AM	#1 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	Blade Of Red heres the newest, its a little dark to me, Blade Of Red Across a pond, A stone of death, A place where they may rest, Theirs a man without a face, He travels without rest, His only purpose… To wake the nest, Dead without rest, Ruler of the nest, Blade of red, Is the symbol of the dead, 2x With the bells ring, Hell will sing, Songs in the night, The Figures in stone, Watch their own, He sits upon his throne, Waiting to take another soul, Dead without rest, Ruler of the nest, Blade of red, Is the symbol of the dead, 2x (bell Ringing) Celebrate the king.. __________________ not that old signature

07-22-2006, 01:34 AM	#3 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	picture a cemetery, and think of death as the king of the dead __________________ not that old signature

07-23-2006, 01:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	what i mean by the blade of red, the grim reapers sythe, im not saying about someone being killed, i am saying how the reaper tearing out the souls of the dead, that is where the red comes from, an undertaker, never thought of that, its a good idea,and a man without a face, how many movies have had the reaper with a black void for his face, the spelling error, always had trouble with that, never could get it right, though that is what spell check said was right so i went with it i am going to have to make it more clear __________________ not that old signature

07-23-2006, 09:16 AM	#8 (permalink)
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 32	i agree with the others but i dont know as much about writing as they do. i read the song and said it to myself and i thought "all right whats the song about" and i sat unable to peice together a theme or something like that.perhaps it can be changed but in my opionion its a write off. __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

07-23-2006, 11:06 AM	#10 (permalink)
beat_monkey Groupie Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: scotland Posts: 32	nice quote with the computer programmer and i thin youre right __________________ those of you in the cheap seats clap to this one, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon