Blade Of Red
 

heres the newest, its a little dark to me,

Blade Of Red

Across a pond,
A stone of death,
A place where they may rest,

Theirs a man without a face,
He travels without rest,
His only purpose…
To wake the nest,

Dead without rest,
Ruler of the nest,
Blade of red,
Is the symbol of the dead, 2x

With the bells ring,
Hell will sing,
Songs in the night,

The Figures in stone,
Watch their own,
He sits upon his throne,
Waiting to take another soul,

Dead without rest,
Ruler of the nest,
Blade of red,
Is the symbol of the dead, 2x

(bell Ringing) Celebrate the king..

I don't like it. The rhyming isn't even complex, its pretty much like, elementary school rhyming. I don't even understand what you're talking about.

picture a cemetery, and think of death as the king of the dead

Rhyming doesn't have to be complex but this song is a little shallow zepair

try adding more adverbs and adj.'s to it www.dictionary.com www.thesaurus.com and www.rhymer.com are your friends.

Point remains, the rhyming in this is like, nursery school.

Also, now that I 'know' what its about. You write on the subject very poorly, half the things in here don't make much sense. Blade of red? Even if red is a metaphor for blood, it still doesn't make much sense.

You first stanza is describing the scene for the dude that's walking. But your second line is a metaphor and we don't know what it's comparing/contrasting this early in the song. We do however know the tone of the song. But still, I think you should do away with it or somehow switch that stanza with the next one.
The line "Blade of Red" should be taken out because nowhere in the song do you mention anybody dying or someone being killed, or someone killing someone else. Assuming that red represents blood, you're implying someone is dying but the rest of the song is about some dude who isn't killing anyone, nor is he being killed. I'll overlook the fact that blade refers to knife and no one was killed with a knife in this song. I think what you were trying to do was find a connection between the guy in the song who is something of an undertaker, taking the souls of others. And if that is the case, you definitely need to find something better than "Blade of red"
And I think "is the symbol of the dead" should be made into an epithet and should taken out of all the stanzas it does appear in and placed after the "the man without a face." And the man without a face should be given a name or title of some sort.

And if it's in red, it's a spelling error :)

what i mean by the blade of red, the grim reapers sythe, im not saying about someone being killed, i am saying how the reaper tearing out the souls of the dead, that is where the red comes from, an undertaker, never thought of that, its a good idea,and a man without a face, how many movies have had the reaper with a black void for his face, the spelling error, always had trouble with that, never could get it right, though that is what spell check said was right so i went with it

i am going to have to make it more clear

i agree with the others but i dont know as much about writing as they do. i read the song and said it to myself and i thought "all right whats the song about" and i sat unable to peice together a theme or something like that.perhaps it can be changed but in my opionion its a write off.

A computer is only as good as it's programmer. use a dictionary. One you can hold in your hands.

And I like the man without a face concept. I just think you should give him a name as well

nice quote with the computer programmer and i thin youre right