ZeppelinAir

i want suggestions, not comments on how you dont like it, here it is,

WHY

Look at the crowded streets,
Always full, always loved,
What If it disappeared in the blink of an eye,

Why did it have to be,
Why did it have to end,
why did I leave all those behind,
All I can do now is ask why,2x

If I left all behind,
If I left all alone,
If I left all words untold ,

Why did it have to be,
Why did it have to end,
why did I leave all those behind,
All I can do now is ask why,2x

To only ask why,
To only wonder why,
To wonder what would happen if it ended tomorrow,

Why did it have to be,
Why did it have to end,
why did I leave all those behind,
All I can do now is ask why,4x

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not that old signature

swim

I'm not in love but it's better than anything else you've written.

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http://nakednaps.bandcamp.com/

ZeppelinAir

thank you, any suggestions

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not that old signature

DontRunMeOver

If you're want to continue the scene/mood setting which you've already done, then continue with increasing use of metaphors. If you can imagine a storyline which might help to draw the reader in for the second verse and which could be completed by the end of the song, then put it in. At the moment it only gets as far as setting a scene, so you might want to use that scene to tell a story.

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Crowe

Not very original, but better than what you have done. It got dry really quick. It would take good music to make this a gem.

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