Alo

I tried reading it very fast, and something really rappy came out. Was it intended that way? If so, I think the end is an anticlimax because it feels like you're building up tension. And then just end up drunk and (how I see this scenario) puking... Might want to add a bit more power to the last part. Though the instruments could also do this for you.

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I rocked my shoelaces untied

DontRunMeOver

It was intended like that, as I do half-rap, half-sing bits of it quite fast. You were right about the not building up tension part, I'd forgot to put the last chorus in (the 'breakdown' bit is the chorus. It's loud and rocks out in a very upbeat way). The song actually ends with me rambling on about whatever comes into my head at the time, as quickly and maniacally as I can, but streams of conciousness like that aren't going to be written here...

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DontRunMeOver

It was intended like that, as I do half-rap, half-sing bits of it quite fast. You were right about the not building up tension part, I'd forgot to put the last chorus in (the 'breakdown' bit is the chorus. It's loud and rocks out in a very upbeat way). The song actually ends with me rambling on about whatever comes into my head at the time, as quickly and maniacally as I can, but streams of conciousness like that aren't going to be written here...

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