Heaven in Haze
 

heres mine, still rough though,

Heaven in Haze


Life it seems may drift away in a cloud of dreams haze,
Thoughts of death and hate fills his mind,
Trying to find his way out of this nightmares maze,
Always seeking what you cant find,

Picture of your love faded away in the word from the haze,
Sorrow strike your image of Shangri-la,
As you lose his way the maze of haze,

The pain makes him drop down and cry,
Just to scream why me oh god why me,
Image of happiness drift away in the cloud of haze,
All hope is lost through the open eye,

Through the dark he sees the light,
While the shadows tear at his soul,
Feels the pain of his wound below,
Then the voice says come with me,
And find what you seek,
His eyes see the gates and the darkness fades.

Good lyrics.

thanks, like i said there still rough

This is lame and cliche.
I also refuse to believe that you and Juggalo4Life are different people.

You must have two computers.

we are different people, and that is your point of view

This doesn't flow at all, plus, you have changed perspectives. You went from refering to the person whom this is written about as "you" to refering to them as "him" in the next line
Once again, you have changed the perspective that the song is written in.
Is it "him" or "you" make up your mind. It doesn't sound good, and it doesn't make sense to the listener.
This part is completely cheesy, and horribly written. It doesn't flow. 'Maze of Haze'? Give me a break. I don't like the rhyme sceme either. You keep recyling the same words. Maze and Haze. Think of some different words.
Something went horribly wrong when you were trying to figure out how to make these lyrics flow. They seem like a bunch of underdeveloped, badly articulated thoughts, they are clumsy, and redundant.
This is the most cliche part of the entire song.
You seem to have given up on your rhyme sceme.
From what I interperate, he is decending into heaven...correct?
Then why are shadows tearing at his soul?
How did he die in the first place?
Where did his "wound" come from

It doesn't make sense.

you can do any better

I probably could, but is that really relavent?
Do I have to be an athlete to recognize that someone is a horrible at baseball?
Do I have to be an artist to recognize that someones painting is terrible?

That is the biggest cop-out argument.
Also, was to blow off a critism :rolleyes:

show me, i wanna see

Haha, I think some part of your f*cked up mind only reads certain parts of posts.

You're just jealous because you can't write at all. Don't take your anger out on everyone else because you have no talent to write lyrics, Bungalow, hahahahahahahahaha!LOL

I see you changed accounts.
Its funny when people can't take a critism.

like i said before it is still first copy, any one can help me here, some advice on to inprove

Burn it in a big fire. And while the fire is still burning throw yourself in it. That should take care of two problems in the world.

Yeah, that would be my second post genius.

any can help me, beside those two

There is no two accounts, you stupid moron. You're just to stupid to realize that we're friends. Maybe you are the one with something to hide with you're remarks and hatred of others. Why don't you try to write your own stuff to post on here. And don't ask me about me posting my lyrics, because I will when I get them done. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

You won't get nicer replies.
I had to really hold back to avoid telling you that that piece of music (if I can call it that) is the most horrible piece of shit, cheesefest attempt at writing that I have ever seen.

I'm not bungalow (for many reasons, mainly my penis is bigger). But this is proof that me > you

http://musicbanter.com/showthread.php?t=16079 and

www.mosesandtherubberducky.youaremight.com

and look what your's gets http://www.ZeppelinAir.youaremighty.com

Bungalow, why is it that you can get away with being so rude, stupid, arrogant, and just down right ****ty, yet the rest of us get warned or banned? Does anyone else notice this?

I guess its cause you cannot handle a perfectly reasonable critism.

No, it's because you don't just criticize, you have to pick everything apart and completely make an ass of yourself by acting as if your **** don't stink. Well, maybe if you had a brain, you might consider what others feel like when you run your mouth and bash anything you can. That's all I'm saying to you because you seem to be the one who can't handle criticism. Seems like everytime we post something new, you have to show up and try your best to corrupt it. Your name should have been Satan.

hmm heaven in haze, well i might have have thought this was good if it were 30 years ago, but to many poets have written similar material. i cant afford to be as cruel as bungalow yet, but the fact that u used shangri-la(which i hope u are refering to as paradise) is original, but doesn't tie into the song.

I'm pretty sure that picking things apart, and telling what is wrong with them, is called a critism. I know these things are difficult for you to grasp. You seem to have trouble with definitions. I seem to recall you being pretty dead-set on the fact that humans aren't animals.

i was try to go for a Led Zeppelin kind of song

Oh well, right on.
That explains why its so terrible.

Fanboy.

Clinched maybe, but many song writers are like that when they write yet still have amazing hits.

I don't like how you use Maze with Haze, its pushing it, when it comes to use of words. The name of the song its self is really good. I think you need to work on the chourse a little more.. I'm not sure which really is the chourse actually.

and Bill stop being so mean, I'm sure you were new here once.. take a easy would you?

ZOMG you're agreeing with him...but no be hard on them. This place is the closest thing to an e-Compton so we need to arse people.

My first critism was perfectly nice. I told him what was wrong with his song, it was his inability to accept a simple critism, and challenging me to do better, that led me to tell him the lamen terms of what my critism was saying.

didnt have a chorus, trying also to go fade to black style,

well im sure if u were led zeppelin u could make the lyrics work, but i wouldt start a career just yet

Just remember, that door swings both ways. If you act mean or stupid, that's what you'll get from everyone. But I take it as they want to fight with us, it means we're worthy advisarys. LOL! I laugh everytime they think they've gotten us to surrender. We come right back and bite the haters in their ass.They'll grow to respect us eventually.

Some reasons I'll never respect you:

1. You like Insane Clown Posse
2. You are a liar (see the first post in this thread)
3. You ignore certain parts of mine and other people posts when you realize we are right
4. You are a brainwashed hipocrite

A queen can buy a painting from some poor man for a $1.00 back in the 1600-1700's and until the painter dies its worth nothing, then because the queen enjoyed his work, the painters works, his paintings all become beautiful and worthy.. I can name 3 painters that to me sucked at painting.. Van Gogh for one. His paintings look like a child could have done them, yet this man was considered to be an amazing painter.

My point is many people are going to have many different opinions, I don't think this artist was worthy of half the good things he got for his work, like many artist from that time.

I personally think that a cliched song isn't always going to be a bad song, look at half the bands you listen to, there songs, read there lyrics, and i bet you can find 100's of cliched songs.. when put to music and sung it could sound amazing tho?

Any one can be harsh because it needs to be said or because its something to be said just becuase it can be said. But saying it cliched and then judging it becaus of that isn't right.

this song be any means isn't a great song, nor a good one.. but i'm sure if we don't scare this boy(?) away his writers may or may not get better.

I was harsh because it was necessary. His song was cliche, and cheesy.
I told him why it didn't flow, I told him to mix up his rhyme sceme. I told him to diversify his vocabulary. He couldn't handle a critism, so he made the idiotic reply challenging me to do better. That is the point where I told him flat out that his song was horrible. If he can't take a normal critism, I guess the only thing that sinks in is flat-out-your-song-sucks.

http://www.essentialart.com/sw/Van_G...the_Artist.jpg

Show me the child that could paint this, and I'll give you a lot of money.

we could use more Van Goghs than cliche bands

We sure could.
Uglycasanova, don't think that just because you are new, you cannot tell someone what you think of their song. They posted it on a public forum, they should be ready for whatever replies they get.

Whatever, Bungalow, you're lost. I feel sorry for you. Maybe you'd have friends if you accepted people more. If you don't want to respect us, then don't, your hate is worth nothing to us. But don't ask for respect back if you don't give it. I feel sorry for you.

I feel sorry for you as well.
You have had to sit through countless ICP songs, can't get much worse than that.