Music Banter - Heaven in Haze

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- - Heaven in Haze (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/16683-heaven-haze.html)

I guess its cause you cannot handle a perfectly reasonable critism.

No, it's because you don't just criticize, you have to pick everything apart and completely make an ass of yourself by acting as if your **** don't stink. Well, maybe if you had a brain, you might consider what others feel like when you run your mouth and bash anything you can. That's all I'm saying to you because you seem to be the one who can't handle criticism. Seems like everytime we post something new, you have to show up and try your best to corrupt it. Your name should have been Satan.

hmm heaven in haze, well i might have have thought this was good if it were 30 years ago, but to many poets have written similar material. i cant afford to be as cruel as bungalow yet, but the fact that u used shangri-la(which i hope u are refering to as paradise) is original, but doesn't tie into the song.

I'm pretty sure that picking things apart, and telling what is wrong with them, is called a critism. I know these things are difficult for you to grasp. You seem to have trouble with definitions. I seem to recall you being pretty dead-set on the fact that humans aren't animals.

i was try to go for a Led Zeppelin kind of song

Oh well, right on.
That explains why its so terrible.

Fanboy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeppelinAir

heres mine, still rough though,

Heaven in Haze

Life it seems may drift away in a cloud of dreams haze,
Thoughts of death and hate fills his mind,
Trying to find his way out of this nightmares maze,
Always seeking what you cant find,

Picture of your love faded away in the word from the haze,
Sorrow strike your image of Shangri-la,
As you lose his way the maze of haze,

The pain makes him drop down and cry,
Just to scream why me oh god why me,
Image of happiness drift away in the cloud of haze,
All hope is lost through the open eye,

Through the dark he sees the light,
While the shadows tear at his soul,
Feels the pain of his wound below,
Then the voice says come with me,
And find what you seek,
His eyes see the gates and the darkness fades.

Clinched maybe, but many song writers are like that when they write yet still have amazing hits.

I don't like how you use Maze with Haze, its pushing it, when it comes to use of words. The name of the song its self is really good. I think you need to work on the chourse a little more.. I'm not sure which really is the chourse actually.

and Bill stop being so mean, I'm sure you were new here once.. take a easy would you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by explosions-in-my-pants

Clinched maybe, but many songer writings are like that when they write yet still have amazing hits.

I don't like how you use Maze with Haze, its pushing it, when it comes to use of words. The name of the song its self is really good. I think you need to work on the chourse a little more.. I'm not sure which really is the chourse actually.

and Bill stop being so mean, I'm sure you were new here once.. take a easy would you?

ZOMG you're agreeing with him...but no be hard on them. This place is the closest thing to an e-Compton so we need to arse people.

My first critism was perfectly nice. I told him what was wrong with his song, it was his inability to accept a simple critism, and challenging me to do better, that led me to tell him the lamen terms of what my critism was saying.

didnt have a chorus, trying also to go fade to black style,