What You Get From Listening To Too Much Music And Watching To Much Football

sleepy jack · 07-05-2006, 04:30 PM

*has nothing really to add*

but, I love it.

TrampInaTux · 07-06-2006, 01:12 AM

Chorus added bitches.

DontRunMeOver · 07-06-2006, 02:25 AM

That chorus is nice. The 2nd and 3rd line are absolutely ace, as is the rhyming with 'necklace' and 'wreckless', although maybe you should lose the word 'stupid' (replace it with a different word if you like) because the rest of the lyric isn't about anything stupid, so the is misplaced.

"You and lust has made us reckless"

Or something like that.

Although I felt the need to add the correction, I can't overemphasise how much I liked the phrase

"She's pulling on my heartstrings
I'm pulling on her necklace"

Keeping it physical! Yeah!

TrampInaTux · 07-06-2006, 03:38 PM

Changed. Now can I call this my official best lyric to date? I'm about to post another one up that I finished writing today. Rate that one. I think I'm on a bit of a roll as of late.

DontRunMeOver · 07-07-2006, 02:01 AM

Yes. It is very good. (You should change all of the choruses).

I made a grammatical mistake in my suggestion, so you might want to bear it in mind. It should read:

"You and lust have made us reckless"

Not 'has', and maybe it'd make more sense as 'made me reckless'. But that's up to you, depends on what you want to say there. Either way, its already very good!

07-06-2006, 01:12 AM	#12 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Chorus added bitches.

07-06-2006, 03:38 PM	#14 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Changed. Now can I call this my official best lyric to date? I'm about to post another one up that I finished writing today. Rate that one. I think I'm on a bit of a roll as of late.