Adolessence scented Girl (show, song)

TrampInaTux · 05-18-2006, 11:48 AM

I wish I could say (I love you)
But I never knew (what love meant)
So I kept it locked up (safely)
please don't charm it out

Keep it in your heart of hearts
Fixing the pieces as they fall apart
Desperation clutches at my strings
as her fingers steal all of my things
Keep it away from useless eyes
the kind of faces that we despise
and if they ask you to show them you say no
it's not their place, not their place to go...

Loving the girl (is harder)
when you're watched by the world (closely)
We are all so young (and fragile)
Give it some time (a short while)

Keep it in your heart of hearts
Fixing the pieces as they fall apart
Desperation clutches at my strings
as her fingers steal all of my things
Keep it away from useless eyes
the kind of faces that we despise
and if they ask you to show them you say no
it's not their place, not their place to go...

Well this is a very original song I invented while getting myself a drink today.(random singing Crowquill, a personal hobby of mine)

sleepy jack · 05-18-2006, 01:10 PM

w00 w00 random singing! The only part I don't like is the "strings" then "things", it sounds really forced. I'm don't like this one as much as your other stuff though.

TrampInaTux · 05-18-2006, 01:11 PM

That does sound forced when read, but when sung it fits in. Out of 10? I keep forgetting to put polls up...

sleepy jack · 05-18-2006, 01:12 PM

6/10

TrampInaTux · 05-18-2006, 01:16 PM

Ah alright, not to good then. I'm trying to progress down the original road, and I am now constantly trying to reinvent my writing style. Eventually I'll find my niche.

05-18-2006, 11:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Adolessence scented Girl I wish I could say (I love you) But I never knew (what love meant) So I kept it locked up (safely) please don't charm it out Keep it in your heart of hearts Fixing the pieces as they fall apart Desperation clutches at my strings as her fingers steal all of my things Keep it away from useless eyes the kind of faces that we despise and if they ask you to show them you say no it's not their place, not their place to go... Loving the girl (is harder) when you're watched by the world (closely) We are all so young (and fragile) Give it some time (a short while) Keep it in your heart of hearts Fixing the pieces as they fall apart Desperation clutches at my strings as her fingers steal all of my things Keep it away from useless eyes the kind of faces that we despise and if they ask you to show them you say no it's not their place, not their place to go... Well this is a very original song I invented while getting myself a drink today.(random singing Crowquill, a personal hobby of mine)

05-18-2006, 01:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	That does sound forced when read, but when sung it fits in. Out of 10? I keep forgetting to put polls up...

05-18-2006, 01:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Ah alright, not to good then. I'm trying to progress down the original road, and I am now constantly trying to reinvent my writing style. Eventually I'll find my niche.