Crash test dummy (thankyou right-track) (speaker, Ching, Hang)

TrampInaTux · 04-30-2006, 03:23 AM

Standing on the bridge overlooking the water
trying to jump off it my body is starting to falter
I only get one shot so how do I intend to practise?
Well that's where you come in, stand by my side like this

My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry
My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry

Cold wind blows right by you stumble but I catch you
Don't fall off just yet that would be a disaster
Stand still stop flinching you're making the rope come loose
If you damage this one I haven't got another noose

My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry
My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry

Okay then this is it I'll meet you on the other side
Please just do this for me everything will be alright
Your legs look to weak to jump I'll push you if you wanna
Now there baby dry those eyes Daddy would never harm you

TrampInaTux · 04-30-2006, 01:45 PM

Come on people, post something. I want to know what you think about this one. This is the first time I've thought of the subject I'm going to write about beforehand, I usually just end up creating a subject as I go along.

riseagainstrocks · 04-30-2006, 02:56 PM

*practice

and the flow of the piece is thrown off by the chorus i think. Other than that, the person telling the story seems to jump around. in the first verse i thought it was the speaker contemplating jumping, and by the second verse it seems that he is rescuing. try and make it more clear.

other than that, it was a solid effort

swim · 04-30-2006, 07:32 PM

Standing on the bridge overlooking the water,
trying to jump off my body starts to falter.
I only get one shot so how am I suppose to practice?
Well that's where you come in, stand by my side like this.

My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry
My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry

Cold wind blows right by. You stumble but I'm there.
Don't fall off just yet. One chance and none to spare.
Stand still. Stop Flinching. You're making the rope loose.
If you damage this one I don't have another noose.

My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry
My crash test crash test dummy
It'll be okay soon don't worry

Okay then this is it, I'll meet you on the other side.
Please just do this for me everything will be alright.
Your legs look too weak to jump. I'll push you if you wanna.
Now there baby dry those eyes Daddy would never harm you.

Somethings didnt flow to me. This is the way I'd rewrite it. Take and change what you want.

smoggey2002 · 05-01-2006, 11:11 AM

Yeh Bit More Clearer I Think

04-30-2006, 03:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Crash test dummy (thankyou right-track) Standing on the bridge overlooking the water trying to jump off it my body is starting to falter I only get one shot so how do I intend to practise? Well that's where you come in, stand by my side like this My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry Cold wind blows right by you stumble but I catch you Don't fall off just yet that would be a disaster Stand still stop flinching you're making the rope come loose If you damage this one I haven't got another noose My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry Okay then this is it I'll meet you on the other side Please just do this for me everything will be alright Your legs look to weak to jump I'll push you if you wanna Now there baby dry those eyes Daddy would never harm you

04-30-2006, 02:56 PM	#3 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	*practice and the flow of the piece is thrown off by the chorus i think. Other than that, the person telling the story seems to jump around. in the first verse i thought it was the speaker contemplating jumping, and by the second verse it seems that he is rescuing. try and make it more clear. other than that, it was a solid effort __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

04-30-2006, 07:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
swim dontcareaboutyou Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 5,188	Standing on the bridge overlooking the water, trying to jump off my body starts to falter. I only get one shot so how am I suppose to practice? Well that's where you come in, stand by my side like this. My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry Cold wind blows right by. You stumble but I'm there. Don't fall off just yet. One chance and none to spare. Stand still. Stop Flinching. You're making the rope loose. If you damage this one I don't have another noose. My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry My crash test crash test dummy It'll be okay soon don't worry Okay then this is it, I'll meet you on the other side. Please just do this for me everything will be alright. Your legs look too weak to jump. I'll push you if you wanna. Now there baby dry those eyes Daddy would never harm you. Somethings didnt flow to me. This is the way I'd rewrite it. Take and change what you want. __________________ http://nakednaps.bandcamp.com/

04-30-2006, 01:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Come on people, post something. I want to know what you think about this one. This is the first time I've thought of the subject I'm going to write about beforehand, I usually just end up creating a subject as I go along.

05-01-2006, 11:11 AM	#5 (permalink)
smoggey2002 Groupie Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 14	Yeh Bit More Clearer I Think