Why do you not review my songs anymore? (lyrics, albums)

TrampInaTux · 04-23-2006, 02:55 PM

I'm lost inside you
like so many others
Wish I knew a way out
so I could run for cover
I feel so used
but I love that feeling
It gives me coshure
til my mind needs healing
Desperation
I like to call it love
You are my trophy
I fall into you, shoved

Just a short one I just wrote up before I head up. As always, you guys got any thoughts? Everyone seems to be avoiding my songs now and I would like to know why...

swim · 04-23-2006, 03:03 PM

because theyre all good so i read them but dont feel need to say good job over and over ...good job, nice, simple, good.

TrampInaTux · 04-23-2006, 03:07 PM

oh fair enough but I would ALWAYS like some criticism. Even if it's only small. Criticism is the best way to help me, rather than telling me my song is good. So please criticise away!

ArmyofMe · 04-23-2006, 03:20 PM

^just trying to give you some of that criticism

You used "I" too many times, try to give it a feel that you aren't the only person in the song, maybe use some of the beat to describe the one you are drawn towards.

adidasss · 04-23-2006, 03:20 PM

one thing i've started to mind about your lyrics/songs/poems is that they deal mostly with love and your feelings....but you're young, i'm sure you'll evolve...and i would like it to be more abstract. but again, it's rather normal that at your age you go from what you know/feel/see. this is all coming from a person that can't write to save his life so apologies in advance.

MURDER JUNKIE · 04-23-2006, 11:00 PM

I tried to help you out the other day!!

sleepy jack · 04-23-2006, 11:06 PM

I don't like that "shoved" part, it seems forced and like it was thrown in there just to rhyme, on another note. I don't review your songs much anymore just 'cause I never really have anything to add to them.

explosions-in-my-pants · 04-24-2006, 12:50 AM

i actually really adore this song you've wrote. normaly i always like your stuff but this is different from the rest. But it seems as if your going in a new direction? once someone reads that song about god being a whore then reading this one there is a big personallity change in the style of the songs.

i personally like this more then the older stuff i read of yours.. good job.

TrampInaTux · 04-24-2006, 01:40 PM

Okay then, thanks for the many opinions...

Armyofme I understand where you are coming from about the use of the word 'I', I'll try to cut it down.

adidasss, about me writing about my feelings and not doing to many abstract songs, well I was actually trying to cut down on the abstract songs because I went on a huge period of time where I alienated myself from my work.

Crowquill that line at the end was really about the relationship I have with the girl I'm seeing, as in you try to keep upto todays standards of dating and what have you but you also want to do things your way without the pressure of others. As adidasss said, I'm young

Murder Junkie thanks for reviewing my other lyric, even though I can't remember which one.

And Explosions in my pants, thanks.

either/or · 04-25-2006, 04:47 AM

you post so many songs maybe it would be cool if you like waited and compiled it all into one thread saying ' 3 songs' or something or maybe take more time to write a longer masterpiece.

04-23-2006, 02:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Why do you not review my songs anymore? I'm lost inside you like so many others Wish I knew a way out so I could run for cover I feel so used but I love that feeling It gives me coshure til my mind needs healing Desperation I like to call it love You are my trophy I fall into you, shoved Just a short one I just wrote up before I head up. As always, you guys got any thoughts? Everyone seems to be avoiding my songs now and I would like to know why...

04-23-2006, 03:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
ArmyofMe mhmm Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: ummm... Posts: 72	^just trying to give you some of that criticism You used "I" too many times, try to give it a feel that you aren't the only person in the song, maybe use some of the beat to describe the one you are drawn towards. __________________ bah..

04-23-2006, 03:20 PM	#5 (permalink)
adidasss Slavic gay sauce Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Abu Dhabi Posts: 7,993	one thing i've started to mind about your lyrics/songs/poems is that they deal mostly with love and your feelings....but you're young, i'm sure you'll evolve...and i would like it to be more abstract. but again, it's rather normal that at your age you go from what you know/feel/see. this is all coming from a person that can't write to save his life so apologies in advance. __________________ “Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle. Last.fm

04-25-2006, 04:47 AM	#10 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	you post so many songs maybe it would be cool if you like waited and compiled it all into one thread saying ' 3 songs' or something or maybe take more time to write a longer masterpiece. __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

04-23-2006, 03:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
swim dontcareaboutyou Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 5,188	because theyre all good so i read them but dont feel need to say good job over and over ...good job, nice, simple, good.

04-23-2006, 03:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	oh fair enough but I would ALWAYS like some criticism. Even if it's only small. Criticism is the best way to help me, rather than telling me my song is good. So please criticise away!

04-23-2006, 11:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	I tried to help you out the other day!!

04-24-2006, 12:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
explosions-in-my-pants angel of tragic days Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 924	i actually really adore this song you've wrote. normaly i always like your stuff but this is different from the rest. But it seems as if your going in a new direction? once someone reads that song about god being a whore then reading this one there is a big personallity change in the style of the songs. i personally like this more then the older stuff i read of yours.. good job.

04-24-2006, 01:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Okay then, thanks for the many opinions... Armyofme I understand where you are coming from about the use of the word 'I', I'll try to cut it down. adidasss, about me writing about my feelings and not doing to many abstract songs, well I was actually trying to cut down on the abstract songs because I went on a huge period of time where I alienated myself from my work. Crowquill that line at the end was really about the relationship I have with the girl I'm seeing, as in you try to keep upto todays standards of dating and what have you but you also want to do things your way without the pressure of others. As adidasss said, I'm young Murder Junkie thanks for reviewing my other lyric, even though I can't remember which one. And Explosions in my pants, thanks.