angel18

Memories Lost

There are mice underneath the floorboards,
Their cries have echoed louder than before,
Louder and louder the sound grows,
The sound we will hear forever more.

These bridges we cross beyond and below,
Bricks of memories remain lost,
As we try to forget the face of the ghost,
We will forgive and forget the lies,
Of all the stories that were told.

When we were young we had fun,
But times have changed beyond meaning,
Seeing is believing as days disappear,
Years ago we had confidence today we have fear,
We've just realized time has moved on,
Years from long ago have passed and gone.

Crazy Luv

There are mouses underneath the floorboards,
Their cries have echoed louder than before,
Louder and louder the sound grows,
The sound we will hear forever more.
You mean mice
You could replace louder and louder with something else, like Intensive and defiant the sound grows. but its still fine the way it is.

These bridges we cross beyond and below,
Bricks of memories remain lost,
As we try to forget the face of the ghost,
We will forgive and forget the lies,
Of all the stories that were told.
I like this one

When we were young we had fun,
But times have changed beyond meaning,
Seeing is believing as days disappear,
Years ago we had confidence today we have fear,
We've just realized time has moved on,
Years from long ago have passed and gone.
I don’t know exactly why, but this still needs a little work.

angel18

thanx crazy
I think the rest of it is fine but thanx for the suggestions

skiesofganymede

I really love this kind of quasi-rhyming (meaning-believing). Of the whole song, this bit stood out the most to me. I imagine the words would roll very easily off the tongue. Reminds me a little of Nirvana lyrics, for violating hard and fast rhyming schemes and defying expectations in that way.

This bit, there's nothing technically wrong with it, but it seems a little like dead space in the song, which makes the versa a little meaning-sparse. I want to find out more about the symbolism of the mice under the floorboards and maybe something could be added to shed some light, or add dimension to the previous imagery. Just a suggestion anyhow. It seems to be a really nice direction for a verse though.

colourblind

dont use the name of the high in vain
to witness more is to be strong from pain

ya know what i say is to tell you what i've saw
i dont gossip what i heard alreday before

(that witha sweet jam rock dub)

angel18

thanx skiesofganymede I actually wrote this in about 5 mins so there's no meaning behind any of the lyric!

TrampInaTux

Ah you've just ruined yourself there. This is an average song, nothing to special. But try and draw from past experiences, whether they be your own or someone's you know or an experience you know that people are going through. That always helps me to write a good song. Writing a song about nothing is easy to do but in the long run writing with thought is more rewarding.

angel18

there's nothing wrong with writing on the spur of the moment, it might not have any meaning but it can be good as the same time!

skiesofganymede

Okay, so I know Freud is out of vogue and discredited and all, but I personally think that 'meaningless' spur of the moment writing, maybe is the product of stuff rattling around in one's head that hasn't been figured out yet, (like subconscious) but for some reason is important. I do alot of writing where I have no idea what it means until later. But I think eventually (if you do plan on writing in a 'meaningful' style) you need to figure out what it's all representing and kind of polish it up.

I mean, if something is actually meaningless, then it's kind of just formulaic. Like stringing together kind of cool sounding words. Permutations of flavour of the month phrases...I don't think it does a person justice as a writer.

But if you think the whole 'subconscious' content theory is bunk, then you might think this approach to lyric writing is too.

__________________
Punk is an ideology, not a haircut.

TrampInaTux

The subconscious theory is actually true, there have been many times where I've written something only to look back on it and realise what I've written makes sense to me. The thing is this never happens with an ENTIRE song, just a few sentences that I've added in to make the song flow better. To create an entire meaningless song may be easy to do but it will never be great, will it? (Actually some meaningless songs are great, but they are the minority.)