either/or

Aint home yet

A lonely man he sits counting
The minutes until dawn
You may say he is a sad sight
And he would tell you you are wrong
You may say he is a poor soul
But he would rather be alone
And he left when the sun rose
But he aint home yet

The nervous housewife she paces
She knows her husbands home in an hour
He will spit and he will curse
And then pass out in the shower
On the surface she may fool you
But there’s no more beauty to this flower
By the morning she will forgive
And she aint home yet

A guiltless man he wears a suit
Made of jewels and fancy furs
People hang their troubles
In a wreath upon his curls
I have heard he values pain
More than his diamonds and his pearls
On the surface he seems used to it
But he aint home yet

I’m so sick and tired of this mask
That let’s me sneak into your past
You may figure out my agenda
But I move too fast
For my sins your compensation
There is a little I could ask
Dead leaves for substitution
And I aint home yet

I got troubles I got choices
And in the end I’m worse for wear
Each night I make them proud
Sitting in my truthless chair
I know these options arent for taking
But what’s left to make me care
Laughing jackals all around me
And I aint home yet


The scornful master is singing verses
From a song that don’t exist
My brain stops and reverses
Each time a word is missed
Those snakes in disguises handed me curses
Which I just couldn’t resist
Only dead dirt behind me
I aint home yet

__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation

Crazy Luv

A lonely man he sits counting
The minutes until dawn
You may say he is a sad sight
And he would tell you you are wrong
You may say he is a poor soul
But he would rather be alone
And he left when the sun rose
But he aint home yet
take out the he[edit: never mind on this one]
Change the And to But
you would say he is a poor soul but he would rather be alone...that means he is a poor soul, doesnt it?

The nervous housewife she paces
She knows her husbands home in an hour
He will spit and he will curse
And then pass out in the shower
On the surface she may fool you
But there’s no more beauty to this flower
By the morning she will forgive
And she aint home yet
that last line doesnt fit in it, sorry hun

A guiltless man he wears a suit
Made of jewels and fancy furs
People hang their troubles
In a wreath upon his curls
I have heard he values pain
More than his diamonds and his pearls
On the surface he seems used to it
But he aint home yet
Change A to This
Take out he[edit: never mind on this one]
And, to me, the last line doesnt fit

I’m so sick and tired of this mask
That let’s me sneak into your past
You may figure out my agenda
But I move too fast
For my sins your compensation
There is a little I could ask
Dead leaves for substitution
And I aint home yet
Shouldnt it be You may start to figure out my agenda. because if they figure it out, then that means you're not moving as fast as you think, are you
Take out a
Ahh, this last line dont do it for me at all

I got troubles I got choices
And in the end I’m worse for wear
Each night I make them proud
Sitting in my truthless chair
I know these options arent for taking
But what’s left to make me care
Laughing jackals all around me
And I aint home yet
...you obviously know what im thinking about the last line by now i hope

The scornful master is singing verses
From a song that don’t exist
My brain stops and reverses
Each time a bit is missed
Those snakes in disguises handed me curses
Which I just couldn’t resist
Only dead dirt behind me
I aint home yet
okay the last line works here, just like the 1st stanza

blackTshirt

i like this

sounds like a country song, a little
like it could be one

anyway, i like the idea and how the title is used a lot i believe in titles

it's a beautiful work

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blackTshirt

i don't think he should change anything
especially not the he in the first stanza

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Crazy Luv

yea, after reading it a couple of times, it fits (the he)

Also i forgot to add that my favorite parts were the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, & 5th stanzas.

blackTshirt

and the "and" shouldn't be replaced with "but"
"and" is more poetic.. it lets you imagine stuff.. like a continuation
a "but" would be too harsh there
it kinda stops your dreaming thing

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blackTshirt

1) the line fits everywhere because it doesn't necessarily need to rhyme as long as it has a special guitar riff to go with it everytime

2) the a should be there for the rythm
and it's like they could figure it out but he moves too fast... the way i see it is like.. even though they figure it out... he doesn't care, he doesn't look back..
something like that.. the moving too fast is not like the reason...

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Crazy Luv

*raising eyebrow* riiiight...



Anyways, who said the last line had to rhyme? its just the meaning i got from that line doesnt fit in with the rest that hes saying in the stanza.
There is a little I could ask , doesnt make sense with the a.


If he means it like that, then alright, it makes sense, but if not, then no.

either/or

yeah i meant the move too fast bit as though by the time that they realise my agenda im gone, im outta there town. i cant remove the aint home yet, it fits cause its a seperate thing to the verses, if i remove it the song becomes a ballad. a craaaazy ballad.

__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation

DontRunMeOver

I really, really like this lyric. APART FROM:
The rest is so stylish, with great use of vocab, that it seems you just gave up during this phrase. Stylistically, it doesn't fit to use such a plain word (bit) in the middle of such a lyric.

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