TrampInaTux

I met a girl about a month ago
I asked her if we could take things slow
because I just got out of a relationship
and said that I was just looking for a quick fix
she looked me in the eye with intensity
straightened out her hand and rubbed it up my knee
I started to sweat as her hand progressed
and then I just let loose when she got to my chest
I leant in slightly expecting she would to
but she got up, walked out and left me to stew
I reached for my phone out of my pocket
but found that it was gone, along with my wallet

Chorus
Why do I attract such girls?
You'd think there'd be a guddun in this whole dam world

So about a week later I head off to a bar
sit down with a pint and a crumbling cigar
then I meet this girl with a head of flames
she puts her hand on my shoulder and she asks me my name
I reply with the answer and she brushes my hand
repeats and repeats that she needs a real man
I look around but she's talking to me
Shot glasses in our hands, one two then a three
so we clumsily exit and call for a cab
kiss all the way back to her scummy little flat
and when we get there I have to rub my eyes
the room is filled with hairy naked guys

Chorus
Why do I attract such girls?
You'd think there'd be a guddun in this whole dam world

So this is my story and I hope you can relate
to a guy who finds it hard to get past the first date
So I'll sit at home with a pot noodle and a can
watching dukes of hazzard tonight my date is my hand



This story isn't about me. Please don't think it's about me! I just had great fun writing this and I thought you lot would have great fun reading it.

EDIT: I've just realised how needy the title of this thread sounds.