jibber

so is this supposed to be a comedy song or not? If you're going for a more serious, darker feel (which would support any kind of canabalistic undercurrents you want to go with) I'd suggest reworking the bridge. The first line "when you're covered in food" is definitely comical. You could almost go with it as more of an allegory throughout the entire song, kind of allude to the whole food thing but not actually say "i want to stir fry you and slather syrup on you".

__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

DontRunMeOver

I want it to be semi-comedic, so not a nose-honking, nudge-in-the-ribs kind of comedy, but more a kind of fun lyric, but with a slightly disturbing tinge.

I'm not even sure if its possible, but I'll try and will be prepared to fail totally.

EDIT: I'm not sure how clear my intentions for the song are, its to be...

1. The DEFINITE THEME for the song is about eating food OFF OF ANOTHER PERSONS BODY. Not eating them, or bits of them, but eating foodstuffs off of their skin.
2. The undercurrent to it is that its giving you the idea of carrying on beyond the foodstuffs and actually biting into their flesh, and eating them, or having them eating you. I only want to allude to this gently though, so that I can easily say the song is entirely about eating food off of a person and nothing to do with actually eating them.

For me, point 1 is included in seriousness as I do think eating food off other people is a good thing (ahem)... point 2 is just put in as a disruptive joke. But I want to make it sound like their both considered fun things...

Pretty complicated for a short song and I don't really have the talent to pull it off, but you've got to have dreams.

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jibber

hmm, well in that case i'd say you're on the right track. maybe try to throw in some more graphic imagery, because generally, unless the disturbing part is pretty pronounced, it'll just take on the comedic feel that the rest of the song has.

__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

DontRunMeOver

I think it'll be fine if it comes across as all being comedic, because then the audience should be simultaneously tickled by the thought of eating food off another person and the thought of eating another person. The fact that they're were temporarily thinking of two very different things as being so similar should be disturbing enough to them, if they think back to it.

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jibber

aha, good point. well make sure to post it up, because it should be funny as hell / disturbing / interesting to see how it turns out.

__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways

Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.

HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER