zombie (suicide, Hang)

Crazy Luv · 04-04-2006, 07:47 PM

Right now, I’m just a walking zombie/
Waiting for someone to find me/
Looking for somewhere to hide/
While she or he takes how much ever time/
Mother why must you scream at me/
Can’t you see I’m losing my sanity/
You don’t notice the emptiness overwhelming me/
Now I truly know how it feels to die/
So I sit down on the bathroom floor/
I’m holding the needle to my left arm/
Needle filled with air to kill/
I just can’t bring myself to end it like this/
But I still want you to suffer from guiltiness/

...still working on it(meaning this is just the starting). but what do you think so far?

angel18 · 04-05-2006, 03:12 AM

its alright needs more work and abit more meaning though!

Crazy Luv · 04-05-2006, 04:59 AM

Yeah i know, thank you for the comment

either/or · 04-05-2006, 09:05 AM

the start is alright but remove the bit about the razor. make it less obvious.

DontRunMeOver · 04-05-2006, 09:12 AM

I agree with that, by all means use some kind of suicide related sentiment, but cutting with a razor is very over-used. Come up with a different method of killing yourself!

either/or · 04-05-2006, 09:13 AM

adders. like cleopatra.

Crowe · 04-05-2006, 01:25 PM

hemlock like socrates! although he was forced to drink that... nevertheless... no one sings about hemlock.

Crazy Luv · 04-05-2006, 01:35 PM

^huh?

anyways, i changed it a bit...is that less ordinary?

04-04-2006, 07:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	zombie Right now, I’m just a walking zombie/ Waiting for someone to find me/ Looking for somewhere to hide/ While she or he takes how much ever time/ Mother why must you scream at me/ Can’t you see I’m losing my sanity/ You don’t notice the emptiness overwhelming me/ Now I truly know how it feels to die/ So I sit down on the bathroom floor/ I’m holding the needle to my left arm/ Needle filled with air to kill/ I just can’t bring myself to end it like this/ But I still want you to suffer from guiltiness/ ...still working on it(meaning this is just the starting). but what do you think so far?

04-05-2006, 09:05 AM	#4 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	the start is alright but remove the bit about the razor. make it less obvious. __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

04-05-2006, 09:13 AM	#6 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	adders. like cleopatra. __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

04-05-2006, 01:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	hemlock like socrates! although he was forced to drink that... nevertheless... no one sings about hemlock. __________________

04-05-2006, 03:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
angel18 Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 129	its alright needs more work and abit more meaning though!

04-05-2006, 04:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	Yeah i know, thank you for the comment

04-05-2006, 01:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	^huh? anyways, i changed it a bit...is that less ordinary?