zombie
 

Right now, I’m just a walking zombie/
Waiting for someone to find me/
Looking for somewhere to hide/
While she or he takes how much ever time/
Mother why must you scream at me/
Can’t you see I’m losing my sanity/
You don’t notice the emptiness overwhelming me/
Now I truly know how it feels to die/
So I sit down on the bathroom floor/
I’m holding the needle to my left arm/
Needle filled with air to kill/
I just can’t bring myself to end it like this/
But I still want you to suffer from guiltiness/



...still working on it(meaning this is just the starting). but what do you think so far?

its alright needs more work and abit more meaning though!

Yeah i know, thank you for the comment :)

the start is alright but remove the bit about the razor. make it less obvious.

I agree with that, by all means use some kind of suicide related sentiment, but cutting with a razor is very over-used. Come up with a different method of killing yourself!

adders. like cleopatra.

hemlock like socrates! although he was forced to drink that... nevertheless... no one sings about hemlock.

^huh?

anyways, i changed it a bit...is that less ordinary?