Life (house, quote, Whip, Harp, Hang)

Mr Slogan · 03-15-2006, 08:44 AM

Life's full of disappointments, sometime ya smile and sometimes ya frown.
You can gain a group of feelings and people,some lift you up and some bring ya down.

and your eyes become sharper & your mind expands and your feet begin to walk.
You give all you can, and start to lose hope and you're left with a damaged heart.

All the tears you've wasted generates a pile of water, to fill a swimming pool.
All your words are wasted, your effort pointless, and now you feel like the fool.

Guiding one's heart is a task of many and has proven to be hard.
Cleaning anothers house-n-feelings, not focusing on your own back yard.

How does one help another, giving advice to be picked up quick,fast and snappy.
Until one's felt the true ropes of all events to realize, he or she's not happy.

Fret not, cause the bottom line is, you can't help others till ya've helped ya-self.
Get cha shhh together, tidy up ya own mess, place them books of wisdom on the shelf.

The more Hate you consume to ya Digestive system of a diet, the better.
Your words and actions will slap those in time, quicker than a mouse devours his cheddar.

Change is good-after all you know the difference in the words you speak to others.
And can be done in a manner- where you're not trying to sound like their Father or Mothers.

Life is a Karma-it folds and changes in many different forms.
the quicker you learn, and accept it, whenit's time you can find those Comforting arms.

I'm Mr Slogan i've returned to take the knives out cha backs.
Let the truth just flow, faster than blood and seep-n-close all the Faulty Cracks.

What it do. just expressing my-self.tryna get right after being slammed by 2 hurricanes.
My New Orleans peeps stay up- we coming back
Mississippi stay up we still ya neighbors.

yall get ready for Mr Slogan
I'm baaaaaaaaaack

angel18 · 03-15-2006, 12:27 PM

hey at last u're back. i really like this one, it has great flow and people can relate. keep it up!

Jadix · 03-15-2006, 01:35 PM

I think your lines are too long to only be rhyming the last word.

Check out this verse for example:

Nobody better test me, cuz I don't wanna get messy
Especially when I step inside this bitch, **** freshly
New Lugz, give the crew hugs, guzzle two mugs
Before I do drugs that make me throw up like flu bugs
True thugs, rugged unshaven messy scrubs
Whippin' 40-bottles like the ****in' Pepsi clubs
Down a fifth, crack open a six
I'm on my seventh 8-ball, now I gotta take a piss
I'm hollerin' at these hoes that got boyfriends
Who gives a **** who they was
I'm always takin' someone else's girl like Cool J does
They probably don't be packin' anyways, do they Fuzz?
We walked up, stomped they asses and blew they buzz
Mics get sandblasted
Stab your abdomen with a hand crafted pocketknife and spill your antacid
Sprayed your mother****in' crib up when I ran past it
****in' felon, headed to hell in a handbasket
Talkin' **** will get you, your girl and your man blasted
Kidnapped and slapped in a van wrapped in Saran plastic
Get your damn ass kicked, by these fantastic
Furious four mother****ers
Flashin' in front of your face without the Grand Masters

I know its a totally different style and theme, but it flows better. I'm not saying that if you cant do it this well then you suck, because this is like the best it gets.

TrampInaTux · 03-15-2006, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Slogan

The more Hate you consume to ya Digestive system of a diet, the better.
Your words and actions will slap those in time, quicker than a mouse devours his cheddar.

I don't like this line, but overall it is a good attempt. You use 'ya' to many times though. It seems that sometimes you forget to be 'street' then just burst into a group of ya's.

Crazy Luv · 03-15-2006, 07:55 PM

this is very good. i agree with what angel18 said

03-15-2006, 08:44 AM	#1 (permalink)
Mr Slogan Groupie Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Dirty South, Marrero/New Orleans. LA Posts: 22	Life Life's full of disappointments, sometime ya smile and sometimes ya frown. You can gain a group of feelings and people,some lift you up and some bring ya down. and your eyes become sharper & your mind expands and your feet begin to walk. You give all you can, and start to lose hope and you're left with a damaged heart. All the tears you've wasted generates a pile of water, to fill a swimming pool. All your words are wasted, your effort pointless, and now you feel like the fool. Guiding one's heart is a task of many and has proven to be hard. Cleaning anothers house-n-feelings, not focusing on your own back yard. How does one help another, giving advice to be picked up quick,fast and snappy. Until one's felt the true ropes of all events to realize, he or she's not happy. Fret not, cause the bottom line is, you can't help others till ya've helped ya-self. Get cha shhh together, tidy up ya own mess, place them books of wisdom on the shelf. The more Hate you consume to ya Digestive system of a diet, the better. Your words and actions will slap those in time, quicker than a mouse devours his cheddar. Change is good-after all you know the difference in the words you speak to others. And can be done in a manner- where you're not trying to sound like their Father or Mothers. Life is a Karma-it folds and changes in many different forms. the quicker you learn, and accept it, whenit's time you can find those Comforting arms. I'm Mr Slogan i've returned to take the knives out cha backs. Let the truth just flow, faster than blood and seep-n-close all the Faulty Cracks. What it do. just expressing my-self.tryna get right after being slammed by 2 hurricanes. My New Orleans peeps stay up- we coming back Mississippi stay up we still ya neighbors. yall get ready for Mr Slogan I'm baaaaaaaaaack

03-15-2006, 12:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
angel18 Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 129	hey at last u're back. i really like this one, it has great flow and people can relate. keep it up!

03-15-2006, 01:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jadix infamous nimbus Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 140	I think your lines are too long to only be rhyming the last word. Check out this verse for example: Nobody better test me, cuz I don't wanna get messy Especially when I step inside this bitch, ** freshly New Lugz, give the crew hugs, guzzle two mugs Before I do drugs that make me throw up like flu bugs True thugs, rugged unshaven messy scrubs Whippin' 40-bottles like the in' Pepsi clubs Down a fifth, crack open a six I'm on my seventh 8-ball, now I gotta take a piss I'm hollerin' at these hoes that got boyfriends Who gives a who they was I'm always takin' someone else's girl like Cool J does They probably don't be packin' anyways, do they Fuzz? We walked up, stomped they asses and blew they buzz Mics get sandblasted Stab your abdomen with a hand crafted pocketknife and spill your antacid Sprayed your motherin' crib up when I ran past it in' felon, headed to hell in a handbasket Talkin' will get you, your girl and your man blasted Kidnapped and slapped in a van wrapped in Saran plastic Get your damn ass kicked, by these fantastic Furious four mother**ers Flashin' in front of your face without the Grand Masters I know its a totally different style and theme, but it flows better. I'm not saying that if you cant do it this well then you suck, because this is like the best it gets.

03-15-2006, 07:55 PM	#5 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	this is very good. i agree with what angel18 said