Isla Vista Girls
 

I like this forum so far, got some good feedback. Lets see how you like this one that I wrote earlier this week. Its about college town girls.

It was a cool friday night
And I was feeling alright
I was drinking keystone light
When I saw her dressed in white
So I went and said hello
You remind me of the snow
Your blue eyes have got me cold
And at night I sleep alone

She laughed, looked at me and said
You should get used to it then
Tonight you'll be there again
Then she left with her boyfriend
So I found my way back home
Took a rip of white widow
Layed my head on my pillow
Then I fell asleep alone

Then it was Saturday night
Asked my homie for a light
The weed makes me feel alright
While I'm drinking nasty ice
Then some girlie said hello
Told me that I had to know
She forgot her bud at home
And she wanted to get stoned

I laughed, and packed her a bowl
Didn't worry me at all
But before we got too far
She was passed out in the hall
So I found my way back home
Took a rip of white widow
Layed my head on my pillow
And I fell asleep alone.

I like this one better then the last, I don't really have much to add. But its very good.

It's clever, and it almost sneers at you. I like it very much. From what I read so far, you're a good writer.

Awesome man. I don't know what music you'd put with that to keep the good rhyming lyrics as key focus, but it's damn good.

Wow, thanks.

i agree with what Crowquill said