Tale from the estate #2-The flat (drum, bass, funk, house)

TrampInaTux · 02-16-2006, 04:48 AM

See that light shining through your bedroom window/
you don't even need to look at-it's from the flat, you know/
the one with the windows boarded up/
the one with the door locked shut/
you can hear murmers when you walk at night/
and you can see the flickering of a light/
someone's living in that flat/
everyone knows it's true/
yet no-one goes to check it out/
no one except for you/
one day you're going to creep outside/
and solve the mystery alone/
you're going to go inside that flat/
and see what it is that calls that place it's home/
could it be a monster? An alien or a ghost?/
you'll find out then tell your friends oh how you love to boast/
you know its some evil creature you've seen the needles outside/
you even looked through the keyhole and saw the creature's bloodshot eyes/
People have been inside the flat but none of them come out/
you've seen them creeping along the streets, then walking into the creatures house./
You see more shadows through the light and needles through the window/
you don't even need to guess, he's torturing them-you know/
Someday you will go inside that flat, when you're big and strong/
and find out who that creature is-and what he's doing wrong...

Crashing Sun · 02-21-2006, 10:10 AM

Poor Hobo. If you say fuk opinions then why do you post so many songs?

I like the premise but dislike the uneven meter, the lines being medium, short, and long. The only real rhyme I got was the last one, maybe partly because the schemes didn't seemt to warm up until then. Some nice imagery but remember that junkies are people too. (There's no conclusion here.)

Levithan · 02-21-2006, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crashing Sun

Poor Hobo. If you say fuk opinions then why do you post so many songs?

...Maybe because he has a lot of songs...or maybe he enjoys writing or god forbid he may even like sharing his song with us...no matter what we think

I liked this one, keep up the good work

Crashing Sun · 02-21-2006, 10:42 AM

He said once he didn't know what he'd do without us after getting reviewed so I think he wants at least some feedback and/or help.

Incidentally, I did not rate this song one star, or if I did it was by accident.

TrampInaTux · 02-21-2006, 02:48 PM

You DID rate it one star, so now everyone thinks this is trash. Thanks. And as for the sig thing, it's not my way of life or anything. Do you really think that if I felt that way I would get anything done? I'm opinionated, that's why I put it. I don't like being wrong. But ANYONE who lives and breathes that rule in my sig would never do anything and have a terrible life. Imagine if you did everything without taking in other peoples opinions? You would get nowhere. Actually, I'm lying. You DO get somewhere if you don't listen to other peoples opinions. Look at the leaders of our countries. Anyway thanks for the feedback, and like I've said before, I don't know what I'd do without you. Fuk opinions they are for people who don't agree with you, but when the opinions are valid then fuk my opinion. I just don't agree with you.

Crashing Sun · 02-21-2006, 03:22 PM

First off, relax. No one thinks this is trash. I confessed my mistake, though honestly I don't even remember doing it. Also, you might want to try doing something called saying what you mean. You post a ton of songs but I've not seen a lot of feedback. Could there be a connection to that and your sig? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm just here to comment. How do you know when other people's opinions are valid? When you form a new one that agrees with them. If you thought your writing is perfect then you wouldn't be posting it here unless you think it is and you're just looking for a pat on the back, or maybe it's a little of both. If it will make you feel better I will post something and you can rate it one star...

TrampInaTux · 02-21-2006, 03:25 PM

I was joking about the one star thing. Calm down. I like posting songs on here because the feedback is nearly always helpful, if you get any. And I honestly doubt that people aren't giving me feedback because of the sig. Most sigs are never read anyway. You're digging way to far into mine. And I've posted a lot of songs because I am going through a difficult and emotional time at the moment and it is best to write songs, as they are a good way to express emotions that you cannot say.

Crashing Sun · 02-21-2006, 03:54 PM

Sorry if there was any cross in the comlink. I'd rather just get back to some friendly read and review. I will take a look at another song of yours tomorrow.

Crowe · 02-22-2006, 12:13 AM

I always thought hobos sig was like an homage to those bumper stickers you always see. I hate when feedback degenerates into arguments. Keep that stuff to PMs eh? This is not a **** fight in here

. Roosters or not.

Hobo, while the content of the song isn't deep, I still think it works. It would be a really nice laid back song, you know what I mean? With a drum beat that Lopes and a simple bass line and a funky little guitar part - it could be really catchy. One of those songs that has the potential to let the music carry it. I'm thinkin' along the lines of many 311 songs... but more specifically like Reel Big Fish's "Sellout" - good stuff hobo

TrampInaTux · 02-22-2006, 11:12 AM

Cheers Crowe. The song isn't meant to be deep by any means. It's looking from a child's perspective, and of course a child's mind is innocent and all that **** so he really would have a one dimensional view on the events happening around him. He wouldn't think 'there's a junkie in the house' he would think 'bloodshot eyes, horrible pointy things, shouting and screaming-monster!'

02-16-2006, 04:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Tale from the estate #2-The flat See that light shining through your bedroom window/ you don't even need to look at-it's from the flat, you know/ the one with the windows boarded up/ the one with the door locked shut/ you can hear murmers when you walk at night/ and you can see the flickering of a light/ someone's living in that flat/ everyone knows it's true/ yet no-one goes to check it out/ no one except for you/ one day you're going to creep outside/ and solve the mystery alone/ you're going to go inside that flat/ and see what it is that calls that place it's home/ could it be a monster? An alien or a ghost?/ you'll find out then tell your friends oh how you love to boast/ you know its some evil creature you've seen the needles outside/ you even looked through the keyhole and saw the creature's bloodshot eyes/ People have been inside the flat but none of them come out/ you've seen them creeping along the streets, then walking into the creatures house./ You see more shadows through the light and needles through the window/ you don't even need to guess, he's torturing them-you know/ Someday you will go inside that flat, when you're big and strong/ and find out who that creature is-and what he's doing wrong...

02-21-2006, 10:10 AM	#2 (permalink)
Crashing Sun Idontthinkyouknow Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Out of the Frying Pan Posts: 102	Poor Hobo. If you say fuk opinions then why do you post so many songs? I like the premise but dislike the uneven meter, the lines being medium, short, and long. The only real rhyme I got was the last one, maybe partly because the schemes didn't seemt to warm up until then. Some nice imagery but remember that junkies are people too. (There's no conclusion here.) __________________ People Against People "Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that glow in the dark." (Support Spam)

02-21-2006, 10:42 AM	#4 (permalink)
Crashing Sun Idontthinkyouknow Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Out of the Frying Pan Posts: 102	He said once he didn't know what he'd do without us after getting reviewed so I think he wants at least some feedback and/or help. Incidentally, I did not rate this song one star, or if I did it was by accident. __________________ People Against People "Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that glow in the dark." (Support Spam)

02-21-2006, 03:22 PM	#6 (permalink)
Crashing Sun Idontthinkyouknow Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Out of the Frying Pan Posts: 102	First off, relax. No one thinks this is trash. I confessed my mistake, though honestly I don't even remember doing it. Also, you might want to try doing something called saying what you mean. You post a ton of songs but I've not seen a lot of feedback. Could there be a connection to that and your sig? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm just here to comment. How do you know when other people's opinions are valid? When you form a new one that agrees with them. If you thought your writing is perfect then you wouldn't be posting it here unless you think it is and you're just looking for a pat on the back, or maybe it's a little of both. If it will make you feel better I will post something and you can rate it one star... __________________ People Against People "Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that glow in the dark." (Support Spam)

02-21-2006, 03:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
Crashing Sun Idontthinkyouknow Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Out of the Frying Pan Posts: 102	Sorry if there was any cross in the comlink. I'd rather just get back to some friendly read and review. I will take a look at another song of yours tomorrow. __________________ People Against People "Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that glow in the dark." (Support Spam)

02-21-2006, 02:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	You DID rate it one star, so now everyone thinks this is trash. Thanks. And as for the sig thing, it's not my way of life or anything. Do you really think that if I felt that way I would get anything done? I'm opinionated, that's why I put it. I don't like being wrong. But ANYONE who lives and breathes that rule in my sig would never do anything and have a terrible life. Imagine if you did everything without taking in other peoples opinions? You would get nowhere. Actually, I'm lying. You DO get somewhere if you don't listen to other peoples opinions. Look at the leaders of our countries. Anyway thanks for the feedback, and like I've said before, I don't know what I'd do without you. Fuk opinions they are for people who don't agree with you, but when the opinions are valid then fuk my opinion. I just don't agree with you.

02-21-2006, 03:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	I was joking about the one star thing. Calm down. I like posting songs on here because the feedback is nearly always helpful, if you get any. And I honestly doubt that people aren't giving me feedback because of the sig. Most sigs are never read anyway. You're digging way to far into mine. And I've posted a lot of songs because I am going through a difficult and emotional time at the moment and it is best to write songs, as they are a good way to express emotions that you cannot say.

02-22-2006, 12:13 AM	#9 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	I always thought hobos sig was like an homage to those bumper stickers you always see. I hate when feedback degenerates into arguments. Keep that stuff to PMs eh? This is not a **** fight in here . Roosters or not. Hobo, while the content of the song isn't deep, I still think it works. It would be a really nice laid back song, you know what I mean? With a drum beat that Lopes and a simple bass line and a funky little guitar part - it could be really catchy. One of those songs that has the potential to let the music carry it. I'm thinkin' along the lines of many 311 songs... but more specifically like Reel Big Fish's "Sellout" - good stuff hobo __________________

02-22-2006, 11:12 AM	#10 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Cheers Crowe. The song isn't meant to be deep by any means. It's looking from a child's perspective, and of course a child's mind is innocent and all that **** so he really would have a one dimensional view on the events happening around him. He wouldn't think 'there's a junkie in the house' he would think 'bloodshot eyes, horrible pointy things, shouting and screaming-monster!'