A short song I wrote

TheNumber12LooksLikeMe · 01-19-2006, 03:02 PM

Lions and Tigers and Bears

(Breathe Deep!)

(You sold all our hopes!)

(and I prepare defenses!)

thank you my friend for taking my oxygen

leaving me behind in the cold front

as exposure sets in

And as I stumble between seasons

I won't trip over the winter snow

(Darling!, your a mess!)

(The cancer in our thoughts is murderous!)

(The signs say stop!)

I died in that intersection.

It was the way the red lights

blended with the yellow

and the hybrid brightness

shined through our

cars like sun spots

and we all died that night

(Just like the movie stars!)

( )=screaming

riseagainstrocks · 01-19-2006, 04:25 PM

"The signs say stop" doesn't fit. Other than that, the death theme got kinda repetative. But good use of imagery.

TheNumber12LooksLikeMe · 01-19-2006, 05:26 PM

word.
Revision!

bmorrise · 01-19-2006, 09:54 PM

Excellent.

01-19-2006, 03:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
TheNumber12LooksLikeMe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 56	A short song I wrote Lions and Tigers and Bears (Breathe Deep!) (You sold all our hopes!) (and I prepare defenses!) thank you my friend for taking my oxygen leaving me behind in the cold front as exposure sets in And as I stumble between seasons I won't trip over the winter snow (Darling!, your a mess!) (The cancer in our thoughts is murderous!) (The signs say stop!) I died in that intersection. It was the way the red lights blended with the yellow and the hybrid brightness shined through our cars like sun spots and we all died that night (Just like the movie stars!) ( )=screaming __________________ My heart is on strings and wires

01-19-2006, 04:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	"The signs say stop" doesn't fit. Other than that, the death theme got kinda repetative. But good use of imagery. __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

01-19-2006, 05:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
TheNumber12LooksLikeMe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 56	word. Revision! __________________ My heart is on strings and wires

01-19-2006, 09:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
bmorrise Groupie Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 2	Excellent.